TTTequila - because I'm a girl

There's tequila in my immediate future. I knew this would happen. I didn't think it would take a month though, thought it would be sooner. So there's a plus point. But it's happened. I've nothing appropriate to wear tonight....and I'm wondering if I threw something away when I sparked Joy, that I could have worn tonight. HashtagFirstWorldProblems 

It's hurting my head. Where are all my pretties? Ah they are in some 3rd country being loved by another. Never mind that they were chucked out with valid reasons. 

So I bought a top thinking it would alleviate some stress. Nope all it does is highlight back fat which I'm pretty sure I didn't have yesterday!! This top is so disgusting it makes me look like I am The hunchback of Notre BoobBack! 

So there will be tequila later....to alleviate my pain. ;-) 

Love and beds

I'm reading a book. It's called the genius of Shakespeare. It's great so far. 

I'm not long in but I've come across a bit I love. 

That Shakespeare gifted Anne Hathaway his 2nd best bed in his will. Now some people believe that's because he was snubbing her, but there is another theory that the best bed would have been for guests and the second best bed would have been their marital bed and therefore would have their memories. 

I love that theory. It plays to the smooshy side of my brain. That he cared and loved for her so dearly, that he wished she always remembered them in that bed. 

And beds are special, it's where dreams happen, it's quite often where life begins and ends. It's where you rest your brain, your body. It's the place you love....where you share a body. You are vulnerable in a bed. You can shut out the world, you can just be. 

I love you so much, I gift you my second best bed. 

tennisetting

Today I had a great lunch in the office... and honestly, I don't think I've ever said that. hashtagsurprised hashtagamazed

I've had AMAZING breaks however...well one, I've had one amazing break a few weeks back....

It's a fact that a boost of exercise is great for the mind. Some would say it's chicken soup for the soul. You pump your blood to where it needs to go and it goes a bit faster, your heart rate goes up and you feel great. Well I feel great. If I had work I wanted to do, I'd surely do it! But instead, I'll just sit here smiling, full of beans and able to update my app with fifteen minutes of exercise. Oh ja, it's not a lot but for a cat who does not a lot more than walk and talk and drive, it's a start in the most awesome of directions.

What helps - with me - is that I didn't suck so badly. My fear of failure means I don't like starting/doing things I think I'll probably be rubbish at. I'm like the toddler who learns to walk on Tuesday and is then frustrated on Friday, when they can't climb stairs like a pro.

But I was expertly given my first lesson - I'm the only pupil, which means I get the best in one on one tuition. I get a professional touch, a smoothing of my fault lines, a caress of my skills. And also I get taught how to play. ;o)

Birds sing at 4.30am. I forgot that

I'm one of these people that don't really subscribe to the stress and depressed brigade. I look at stress as a challenge and one of my RoLs (rules of life) is not to let other people's mood or actions control my feelings. 

Yet I've been awake since 430am. So clearly I need a talking to,  a refresher on my mantra and my way of living. I am good enough. HashtagFact

The small stuff is just that....it shouldn't be sweated. 

Wanderlust/wonder lust

Tomorrow I fill out the form to renew my passport. I'm going for a nice picture this time. Ten years ago I cried over the picture I submitted....it was THAT disgusting. This year that will not happen. A customs officer will not have to stifle his giggles when looking at it. 

I require the following.....one heavily hot place. Dry heat so that it can sink into my bones and make me into a leopard. I want my bones to sigh in contentment and proclaim I'm the best!! I require an opportunity to wear ALL my bikinis. I require a beach with sand so hot my feet sizzle. And a few waves to hop over but nothing with a rip current. I'd like a beach bar but it's not imperative. I'd like a place which has relatively no screaming children. And a nice mix of stuff to do and lots of nothings to do. Some gorgeous places to eat and some cocktails to consume as the sun sets. I'd like a hotel room with a bath place big enough for two. And TB, that's imperative too. 

Scribble your stuff

I got access to my hard drive. Normally I just chuck stuff on it and retreat. Last night I read some of the stuff on there. I have a large amount of started stories. I have a lot of musings and inner workings of my head. Reading it was like reading someone else's work. I don't recall writing one or two pieces but I was keen to read on.....only it wasn't finished. 

And I am critical of my writings. So much so that I can still name all the one person who have ever read them all. 

It's given me a boost that maybe it's time more people did. Rather than when I'm no longer here to defend myself. 😉 

Tropical London

And it always comes back to music with me. There's a song I'm listening to at the moment...always be with you by chasing cars - maybe that's not their name. Anyway, as usual I'm getting the lyrics wrong but the way I hear it is how I'm thinking of Nhandi. I have just read the lyrics online and I'm singing it (in my head) with lyrics that never made it to the song. 

Maybe it's a love song....but then what best friendship isn't love? The video is of two girls. The only resemblance is hair colour.....but for some reason it's hitting those spots of missing her so completely. Now I don't lack people to chat to, but every time I hear or see another female say "my best girl friend", the girl child in me comes out and I pull a face internally (mostly). It's almost like jealousy. It's also annoyance. Why did my person just give up on life? Why on earth didn't she think hers was worth fighting for? 

But back to music. So much of it in my life, my memories that I make. Even if I get the lyrics oh so wrong. And I do. I'd never get sued for copyright...no artist would recognise the songs I sing as their own 

More More More

I'm itchy... my feet are mostly. Itchy. To walk places, do things, have it all. It might be the weather, it might be the chance of new jobs, it might even be that after such an awesome weekend... it's Spring Fever. Maybe that's what it is.

Regardless.... renew that passport, stretch those smooth like feets. Get moving.



Never be complacent; Be Alive - AJG

Bare Poker and chips

3 ciders in and everyone knows the light weight I am. I've been shopping. I have observations. All saints is divine. More so in an outlet store. It's now proven it's my Heaven shop. Ted baker is overpriced but has beautiful bikinis. And a dress like my mothers wedding dress (the fake one). I tried it on....I am not adopted. Not as stunning as she was and obviously more blonde but it's there. 

Gap won out. But people (women) are not friendly beings. Or they saw the glint of old mout in my eyes. Either way, no one reciprocated my happy vibe. Shame on them. I'm great fun today. And also the proud owner of new denim. It was going to be cat skin stuff but denim won that battle. 

And now I'm back in the cashino and it's much busier, the music is better. The chips are going down and the house is winning. But what a happy vibe.....even the Chinese ladies are smiling....they looked sleepy and pissed off when I left. Maybe they're happy I came back to shove them off a roulette table. 

I quite love the sound of the chips being swept up. Love seeing TB in this environment where his smile is loud.  Such a buzz. 

Sent from my iPhone

Impressions of another cashino

Super chilled. This is my overall impression. It's in the middle of a retail outlet. This is where the casual gambler comes. Or the wealthy pensioner who lives on the wharf. 

It's only early but there's no shrieky people, the music is Muzak....the food smells good. And the vibe is relaxed and laid back. 

All the staff are not from these shores. I suspect a lot of them whinge about the weather being not like "home". *insert whine cheese joke which I must remember*

I like it. 

But then it's going to take something big to wipe the smile off my face....this weekend I found out I really like saunas and steam rooms. The heat from a sauna was made for me. The heat seeps into my bones making them giggle with glee. They stretch and exclaim "YESH PLEASE, MORE SIR!!"  And I obliged. The sauna is a little bit sexy too. With the right person obs....bodies glistening, it's hot, it's humid, beads of liquid pooling in places that could be touched. Yup it's sensual. And then the bliss of cooling off in a jacuzzi. I am putting it on my list of things that make me feel glorious. 

Is this weekend just what was ordered for us? I'm thinking so. To regroup, recharge, re-enjoy what makes us great. 

There's a niggle in my head re not getting an interview but the niggle isn't that I'm not good enough, but rather that I know,  I didn't give it my best...I didn't try my hardest. I thought I had done just enough and that kind of shit doesn't cut it. So yes I'm kind of embarrassed I didn't get through. For my first attempt it wasn't all bad but really I'm pissed at myself for not giving it everything. I have paid the price. Now the pressure is on to be awesome in another interview and hope I don't screw it up. Time to prepare and not just leave it to the fates. 

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The art of the witty comeback.

 

I can be sarcastic, I can be a snotty cow. I can drop a one liner worthy of a jaw drop. 

But for the most part they stay in my head. My observations, my bitchy comments, they are internal. My filter is good. I hear a question, the sarky answer is said in my head and something innocuous comes out in its place. It works, life isn't a conflict, people remain happy and confrontations are avoided. 

But if I've been hurt or feel aggrieved, sometimes when drunk....the filter gives up on itself. The brain wants all to know that there's no wool over the eyes, that I'm more aware than I'm letting on and out comes what's in my head. 

Sometimes my brain has the wrong idea. Sometimes I listen to my gut instead and that filter is working fine. 

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Social non-niceties

Social media. Is it the big Evil we think it is? Or are we our own worst enemies? 

Does it make a stalker out of the most chilled person? Why do we look into people's lives? I don't think I'd have the energy to peer through curtains all day long, yet feel nothing at looking at a strangers profile. Then seeing something I don't like and having an opinion on it. 

And I pretend my opinion is valid. But I'm nobody's keeper. People have their choices to make. They choose to spend their nights with whom they choose. Those other people then put their pictures on social media (you with me so far?). I then think I am entitled to an opinion. I'm not. Entitled that is. 

Rather I should harness that energy into other things. Harness it into wondering why things are made so public these days? Harness it into understanding the choices of people? And most importantly harness it into myself. 

Social media be damned, it's more about people and how they're the equivalent of the 50's housewife who had to have all the modcons to compete with the Jones'. I don't need to compete. The Jones' suck. I rock. Fore ah am a cat. 

Ps just another blog starting in half a direction and ending up in another. I miss a proper keyboard. 

Naps that aren't epic

The thing with afternoon naps is that you should only have them when you are going to be active after. It's a timing issue. You can have a nap in the pm but not after 5 (unless you are going out). Have a nap then, and you had better prepare yourself for a shit nights sleep. 

You'll watch all the tv you can until 1.30am. Without realising the time....it'll feel like it's 9pm. You'll write some pretty dire dross until about 3 and then you'll think "AHA - I'm tired" and you'll stretch yourself out in the bed. At 430 you'll wake up thinking it is midnight. And manage a nap here and there until 7am where you'll fall into the deepest sleep, ever conscious that it'll be a 10 coffee day as you're up in 2 hours. 

And you'll think "hang on....wait...wait. ...oh did I have something on my mind, was I waiting?"  But no, you just had an ill-timed afternoon nap. Simple as. 

Of books

See I've done a lot of writing over the last week. Turns out tuning into my emotions is a good thing. However, writing like that isn't really going to get you a deal...unless of course you're Sylvia Plath or Adele. 

I had this conversation where I said, I probably wasn't good enough to write a book. I probably wasn't good enough for anything other than short pieces or prose. I believed it. 

Then on Monday night, during my no-sleep coffee epic, I wrote a whole ton of stuff and it was good. So on Tuesday I carried on for a few hours, same on Wednesday and Thursday- you get where I'm going with this? 

I have now done about 15 hours. And I am good enough. Even with my most critical eye. 

I might not be an actress, a singer, a player of instruments, a crafter or even a painter. But I am a writer. That's enough. 

Heels and cat skin

Last night in the wee hours of the morning (ha!)....we were talking about places I want to do crazy things with TB. 

How good was that? Awesome. 

I knew that fun cat was in there. Lost her for a while playing Ms Domesticated but I don't like homework/housework. ;-) 

I actually like being spontaneous and excitable. I like how we talk now...it's so good. 

I like being away from home....to drive cross country in SA was fabulous and I have a need to do that again in another country. Wind in my sails (hair), stopping off the beaten track. Shnuggling it up wherever and whenever the mood takes us. 

Awesome man

In and our jokes 

Epic naps 

Word play

Fore play 

Cat skins

Bear tales 

Fishing casinos

Wishing on dreams

Tripping on roads

Love Laughter Shtuffs 

2 April 2016

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Warm up the ice

Beat down on me oh sunshine. 

Show me your warm and happy rays. Heat me up from the inside out. 

Defrost me 

Let me bask. 

Please