Travel sick

 There we go, I forgot what this felt like. 

See I don't do holidays - not really. I've done a few but it's not really what I do. By that I mean, lie on a beach, drinking cocktails, maybe see a few local sights. I don't do that. My holidays have in the main part been trips back to SA for a reason. I've done Thailand as a holiday and Goa was another. 

But last week I was in America. And it wasn't labelled as a holiday but that's what I had. In my head I have another label for it. See, here's the thing, I love a plan. And it's not that I can't do without one, I can. But if i have the bare bones of a goal/plan - then I feel a little more sorted. There is a plan afoot but to get that plan moving, I had to answer some questions. And I did, within an hour of landing. I was sitting in a car and I looked to my left and I grinned and my questions were answered. Within 24 hours, I further confirmed so then I went on holiday mode. I saw a new city - one that reminded me of Pretoria so much - in a good way. It wasn't so 'city' that I was overwhelmed and it had good food and Uber. 

Because it's me, I have some regrets. The last decade has been one of huge change for me and a lot of  other stuff not for a blog. I've spent a lot of time trying to heal and I didn't realise that when you've been out of a game for so long, you forget how to play. 

But back to how I feel now. Hell, I wish I could go back. If I had a time machine... but more than that, I am sad. I am sad that my 'holiday' is over. I'm sad to be back. I'm sad that I have had to go to Tesco to buy Limonata to drink with my gin and I'm sad that I have no interest in falling asleep on a sofa. 

Christmas

 I'm decidedly not in the Christmas spirit this year. My tree isn't up and my presents aren't wrapped. I don't even think I'll put the tree up. I just took a moment to put the wreath on the door. So that's one concession. I wonder if it's because I'm at work - maybe not as I had last week off. But I like to wrap my presents with West Side Story playing in the background and I haven't had the chance to watch that. It's just not a vibe this year. 

But I'm spending the day - or time - with family and that's always been the focus for us.  So maybe I get the 'feeling' this weekend. Maybe I don't. I don't think it's a big deal. 

Saturday is Nana and Nhandi's birthday, maybe that's the day for me. :) 

yippee

 In a mere 3 weeks, I shall be getting ready to travel out of the UK. And it really does sound like I'm wishing my life away but I could not be more excited. I have done everything that's in my power to do for this trip - so now it's down to the external partners like rail and plane. 

For the longest time, I've been in hibernation. My get up to go, just wanted to stay in one place. The thought of an airport just didn't thrill me with excitement. And then I went to another office near Gatwick during the Summer and as I waited for my next train and saw all the folk with their suitcases, I felt that familiar pang and my feet wanted to wander. I didn't know where they wanted to go, just that they were ready for it. So I scoured the www and I kept putting it off. 

And then the opportunity presented itself. I took the bull by the horns and just booked it (with obvious consultations with parties involved) and voila! I'm flying West in three weeks. I've never gone West before, so that's so exciting. To see a new place. What strikes me is that yahoo! I feel 'me' again. I could hark to Covid and say maybe it did do a number on me, but not in the way you're thinking. It gave me the chance to put to rest all those crappy decisions I have made since Nhandi died, and get back to basic me. The one I started growing in India and then Pretoria. Losing Suzy was a shock to the system as well. But getting back into the festivals and seeing the London Crowd has all played a part in the fact, I'm ready to do things again. Because I'm ready and because I'm her again. 

So in three weeks, I shall be all packed and ready to make my way to an airport, to board a plane and to have coffee in another country. And it'll be weird but in the most fantastic way. ;) 

Housework

 I'm not a fan. I think if I had a system - tried and tested - I'd probably be better at it. I think if I didn't stop/start my day so much, I'd be more disciplined in it. And I think if it was more enjoyable, I'd like it more. It's always the getting started. Once I begin, I fly through it and won't stop until it's all lovely. For example, today I tackled the bathroom. All the stuffs, throwing out and refilling and cleaning etc. And then I got side tracked and fixed that shower curtain that's been bothering me and it's wonderful now. Next was the kitchen, and that's all sparkling. And then I had to go out. So I've come home and I'm less than enthused to hoover and do my bedding blah blah blah. But I must. However, I'm in a mood. So it's a quick whizz around with the hoover, not the job I had planned. And then the bedroom. 

Clean sheets are such a good thing. I have a method where I do the duvet cover inside out. I'm short, so I can climb right in. Because I hate nothing more than the ends not being in the right corners. It's a rush job so I'm going far too fast, I lean over for the other corner and feel myself tipping over. But it's okay because it's a big bed. I must have got turned around somehow for the next thing I know the tipping is not stopping and I can feel myself falling towards the floor. I stick out a foot, an arm, a head, I shriek and land unceremoniously on the floor - where there are no clothes for once to break my fall. Now I am stuck in the duvet. It's a king size, I am not king-sized (contrary to my mother's opinion). I can't find where to get out, I'm also loathe to let go of the corners because they're a bitch to find again. I scrabble to where I think the opening is, it's not there. I have visions of paramedics bashing down my door, but unable to find me as I'm scrunched up in a duvet cover. 

Anyway, it's done now, I feel like I've done a marathon (this is pure imagination as I have no idea what a marathon entails). I guess I'll appreciate it later. :) 

7 hours 36 min

Seven hours and thirty-six minutes. Longer than some people's working day. Longer than a movie. Another half hour and it's the same time as a trans-atlantic flight. 

 And yet none of it was difficult. It was the right amount of serious, silly and stuff. 

I'm in a worm hole of looking at retirement and never in my million days did I think that would be a fun thing to do. I often say I have never made a major life decision - I have but I never think they are until the event is over. Yet this is a decision that has me armed with a notebook, a pen and a raft of ideas and plans. I can visualise it, which is my thing. If I can 'see' it, then I can make it happen. I can see it, I can see how it could work so well. And I'm invested. 

I'm full of words right now.... but none of them are for this blog. ;) 

Welcome back

Oh hello, it's me again. I used to love this page, blogging away all my words. But life goes on and we never make the time for the things we really enjoy when work is all-consuming and the words don't want to come out. 

But sometimes it takes a moment to sit and chat with someone and then all the words start clamouring to enter the world. And you still have a doubt if you're any good with them. But you try and there's a kernel of inspiration sitting there. 

When I really sit and think about my childhood, I know without a shadow of a doubt that it was a good one. I never had to worry about some of the things my friends did. And the same goes for my teenager-hood. My biggest concerns were hoping I'd done enough to pass the year, which boy liked me and who my BFF's were. Recently I've been recalling the years I was 15/16 with someone and what sticks out is how those years define me. There's a wild patch of discovery and then there's a maturity when the drama gets far too much. And a step back. Almost a reinvention of the girl I was. And she was pretty cool. It's obviously not who I am now. 

I've written a lot about how travel and experiencing new things has changed me and it's how it's not an Eat Pray love trippy trip but how if you experience a new culture, you get a new perspective on life. If you live by yourself without the trappings of adulthood, you should come away with who you are and what you like. And I did that. I realised that there were things I was accepting of that were unacceptable and I needed to purge them from my life. I needed to grow as a person, I needed to be happy. It's taken me a minute. But I got there. 

To talk to someone that understands that is an immense - and I want to use this word - gift. That is all. I want to use my words more, exercise my brain and do the things I want to do. It's so nice to be able to write again. I'm so rusty but practice makes perfect. 

 

Two weeks of music and all the stuff

 While I'm in a writing mood. Let me tell you about my festivals this year. Oh what a great couple of weeks that was. 

I saw Pearl Jam twice in one week. I saw the Pixies which made my inner 16 year old SUPER happy. I cried when songs where played because: Suzy. And I realised Covid did me a injury with the spicy stuff - turns out chilli makes my lip swell to epic proportions, like I've had ALL the filler. Amusing now, very amusing at the time. 

We were blessed with fantastic weather, but not the first day where a mini-monsoon came to town. However, it will be one of my 'stuck in the brain' memories. Rag 'n Bone playing Anywhere away from Here with sheets of rain falling onto me, steam rising from the previously hot earth. It seemed like I was the only person in that field of thousands. Korn at Download was a similar experience. 

(just took a moment to look for it on Youtube - does not disappoint. Now I'm in a RW wormhole) 

Thankfully we had a lovely tent all set up and were able to go and get changed and dry. And I discovered new bands which is always an awesome experience. I've said it so many times but festivals in Europe are a millions levels above the UK festivals. Food is varied, you're not limited to beer/cider/warm wine but Martini's! I drunk myself silly on Bellinis - well it came with fruit. The people are friendly, not drunken savages. The toilets are clean - Reading do you read that - CLEAN! And I had a bloody amazing time. And a mere 4 days later, we gathered at Hyde Park for Pearl Jam/Pixies and again, the sun shone, I had people around me who have known me for forever and still love me. Life was so good. And you know, it should be awkward that I'm the token single person in a sea of couples. But I don't feel that. I just feel really grateful and thankful I have friendships that run into the decades and also that I have friendships that FEEL like they've run into the decades. 

I laughed so much over those two weeks, really laughed, really spoke, lived. And maybe I'm over sentimental. Maybe I'm appreciative because of who I've lost. And our childhood has lost some big characters this year already. 

How'da like them clichés? :)