Day 66

It’s my day 66 of lockdown. But yesterday I went for a walk....I’ve been told not to stop shielding until 30 June, but I am allowed a solitary walk. And WOW, it was good. See, the last time I was out, it was only the very start of Spring, now we are heading into Summer. So the flowers and trees have bloomed, everything is greener, it was fabulous. I walked fast at first, enjoying the wind pushing me along and the I slowed to a veritable amble. 

Did it do anything for my mental wellbeing.....which is the buzz phrase of the moment. I imagine it did....but only for the guilt I feel over not being active. 

My asthma gave me a scare this week.... honestly, if my breathing is what kills me, I’m going to be so pissed off. We have a complicated relationship, asthma and I.  It screams for my attention, I do my best to ignore it and then feel guilt, I know I shouldn’t and I give it the care it needs. It’s a cycle. 

A lot of people love having a “thing”, however my asthma is literally the last thing I want people to know about. 

I’m pretty sure it stems from the teenage years. Prior to them, my asthma was just a thing I had (it’s normally pretty under control). But as a teenager, it got worse...in that I realised smoke machines at school discos put my breathing into jeopardy. Having an attack when you’re trying to be cool is not awesome. There were stares, and gasps and the music stopped and announcements were made over a loudspeaker. It. Was. Mortifying. And for a good while, I was Ali with the Asthma. Not the look I was going for. So we fell out, me and my asthma. It’s taken this Covid19 to give me another wake up call to make peace with my apparent failure to breathe properly. Because, if I get this virus, it’s likely to be severe due to my ‘vulnerability’. And that scares the living crap out of me. 

So I’m playing nice. 

In the interests of honesty, I think it’s been a while coming....the shock of pleurisy last year has had me leading up to it. So instead of being only 75% doing my plan....I’m doing the full one hundred. Three days in and I’m breathing like I imagine normal folk do. It’s quite lovely. 

Amusing that this was not the blog I intended to write out....but clearly this was the one that was ready to be told. Maybe the one I intended will come out another time. 

AJG