Things that make you feel good

Things that make me feel good...

1) sunshine
2) the sea - the sound, the sight, the smell
3) music
4) good friends
5) sublime sunsets

This past weekend I had all of that.... perfect weather for a festival. A festival by the sea. With some of my favourite people and also a hotel. Could not have asked for more. And I didn’t need the medical tent once. 

The Weekend

I've been back two weeks (and a bit) and it's really no secret that I've found it a little hard to adjust. This weekend kind of did that for me.
India was a mere 3 months... South Africa, only one month more seemed so much longer. Probably because I didn't really need to acclimatise. I just fitted in. Anyway, whatever, when I got back, it felt like everyone had new routines without me and work had changed so much, I wasn't quite sure where 'my place' was.

This is not a pity party blog..

So this weekend, I stayed out until the wee hours with my friends, I shopped and had delicious treats and had a braai/bbq with the family. A delightfully perfect weekend. And I got to bake cakes and meringues - didn't think I had missed that as much as I clearly have.

Yesterday was lovely. Dad is turning 80 tomorrow, so we decided to have a little gathering for him. Not a mega party like days of old - he's not been well so that couldn't be on the cards. Just a small gathering for a few hours in the sun with plenty boerewors and toasties. And wine....

And Friday night was lovely, because I got to laugh and drink gin with favourite friends and get home at 3am. I missed those crazy cats.

I found my space again. My house feels a bit more like home should. My new fridge is fab, my new cooker is crazy...

This weekend, I get to go to a festival - so I think normality has been kind of restored.

Restarting

Re-activating this blog...so now I have three. Considering my lack of interaction on a blog, it's probably two too many. BUT, the other two are about my travels so they can stay where they are. This one has always been about the inner workings of my headspace. I was going to say 'brain' but why exaggerate?

So I've been back in England for two weeks now and it's still very strange to me. What has amused me, is the little day to day things I've forgotten. Self service in the supermarkets, now that really confused me. It's crazy how quickly I adapted into South African living.

Do I wish I was back there? Yes and no. It was awesome. But...it didn't have ALL my people. I felt it was more 'real' that India was - cooking etc, in an apartment made all the difference. So yes, it felt like I was living there, not visiting. And truly, I treated it as such. Yes, I did a few touristy stuff but not to the extent that I did in India. I made it mirror my life here pretty much (bar the people).

South Africa, for all her issues, is by far the friendliest of nations. This I have struggled with. I got used to the shop assistants having a fat chat with me every day. It doesn't happen here. Not to that extent... clearly I'm generalising.

I've also come back to a few mega changes... how do I feel? Strangely calm. Which is bizarre in itself. But not unwelcome.

I said when I came back from India, that I felt I had changed - because if you go away for that amount of time, and are alone for that amount of time, you really should have a better understanding of yourself. I feel even more strongly about this after returning from SA. I think I have 'me' now. This is who I am, what I feel like, what I want from life, It's quite a heady feeling. Maybe I'm not 'there' yet, but I'm close.

Eek

What am I doing? What the actual flipping heck am I doing? I know it's only 12 weeks. I know that I'll be back in 98 days but oh my golly goodness - I am actually freaking out now!

I guess I have had 16 months to prepare, but I honestly was prepared a year ago. Then it went quiet and I didn't think it would happen and the last 2 months have just been go go go and it's overwhelming me now.

I'm pretty damn sure everyone will be okay - will cope perfectly without me. But it's me... what about me? I'm excited, please don't get me wrong, I truly am excited. It's a really great opportunity. But I love my bed, I love my life. I'm going to miss everyone so much!

It's only 12 weeks. CCC

Festivalling

Festival Blues? Is that a thing? I really think it must be. Today, all I want to be is back in camp life, getting my coffee, standing in line for a shower, sipping strawberry beeeeir at midday. I'm already thinking of the stench of cow nostalgically, and the morning call of the donkeys as a sweet tune!

There is something very earthy about setting up a tent for 5 days, walking absolute miles each day, to stand in front of a stage and scream songs back at a person on a stage in front of you. I think 'earthy' is the wrong word, I've substituted it a few times and now I'm sticking to it. I wanted to say 'back to nature' but it's not really. You exchange tokens for cooked food, there is beer for breakfast and the showers were hot and cublicled. It's about as back to nature as I get though.

And wow.. something has to be said for seeing the bands you love/admire/enjoy. Sometimes you want to be up close and personal, other times you want to be lying under some shade (or not) and just chilling out to the tunes. But it's about the music. The anthems of your life. Walking on Cars singing 'that' song - tears running down my face - gives me goosebumps.

Sometimes I wonder where my inner 'girlie' is.... the pink and fluffy side of me. She came out when she spotted the Martini stands. I was literally all 'beered' out and then I saw it. The beautiful sign of Martini appeared like an oasis in a desert. I got myself a Belleni and all was perfect in my world. I had to have several just to make sure.

And when the 'boys' were fussing over my suntan and making sure I was okay - all the time. That was nice. MB making sure I went to the first aid tent when my allergic reaction to whatever, threatened me with legs like tree trunks - that was so sweet. And made me so appreciative of exactly who I have in my life. Yeah, I might not be surrounded by close friends who live  nearby - but I have all of what I need. Right now.

And that's perfect for me. Not that it takes a festival for me to realise that. But it takes a festival to recharge the battery of my life....to reflect on the days ahead of me. To put things into my kind of perspective.

I went to a festival - in Europe... and I can quite firmly say now - that the big festivals in England will be waiting a long time to get my cash now. Reading can go do one. Never will I camp there again. Sunshine and Europe is where my festival future lies.

So much I want to blog about it all. But there is time.

Gotta be in the mood

I'm in the mood for writing... I absolutely am. And there I stop. Because all the funny things in my head and that I want to get out, are not allowed. Maybe on pen and paper...the old fashioned way.

But lets try... posts can always be deleted. And who reads my shite anyway?

So every day, I hear the same stuff - in a different tone or accent but the same stuff. Excuses, I hear excuses every single day. A lot of them aren't even original. I hear procrastination as much as excuses. I hear the words "I can't" on average, maybe 85 million times a day - sometimes as much as 20 times in 20 minutes. It's amazing how much the average human cannot do. Considering some have been to the Moon and we're doing missions to Mars, considering we transplant organs, considering some people can pull air planes. Yup, considering all that, it's amazing how many people can't do anything because they're have a mood on them. 

It's hard to remember that everyone has different levels of understanding. It's hard to not think 'ffs, my dad is in his 70's and can buy goods online' - can't pay his gas bill, but is a whizz at ordering Scotch Pies and Bridies from Scotland. Priorities you see. You want the Bridies, therefore you WILL make an effort to learn how to order them online.

And that is how we got to the Moon, someone wanted it real bad. Someone made an effort to get there.

With that kind of theory in my head... I guess it's safe to say my "I can't"s don't actually want anything.

FGF

Foood Glorious Foood...

I've eaten my lunch. It's 11.41am now, but my lunch was eaten at 10.30am. The thing is boredom but also my lunch was delicious.

Now, my lunch hour is fast approaching... with all the good will in the world, I know I will take myself to the shop across the road and get a bag of crisps. This is a given.

I have to start realising that no longer can I graze all day - I am not active enough at work and when I leave the office, I do not wish to be active. I wish to be quiet. Stillness.

Therefore, something has to give. It's the snacking. And you know I'm making steps (a little pun), coffee/coke/mega sugar intake has halved. Water intake has doubled. Ja. And it's working.

I currently (today) lack the energy. There is literally no extra energy to give. Today. Tomorrow I might have a little extra. Tuesdays are always a little meh.

I'm also on Working Day Seven of waiting for news. I know this is affecting the current meh-ness of me. It's actually more like Day 380 - thing is, once Working Day Ten is up and gone and we're into another training group I'm not on - what do I do then? I sit at my desk - and I could scream.

🎧Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle of whinge🎧


And there we have it, why I ate my lunch at 10.30am. 🍒