Notes I find

So while doing my studying... I came across my notes. Now I know I'm a doodler - when I'm in a classroom environment, I write notes, but I draw as well and write things that are in my head.... normally a haiku or two. This one I don't recall writing.

It says 19.01.16 but since I didn't have this notebook then, I'm going to say it's 19.01.17...

"I believe in things working out how they should
I believe hard work helps that along.
I believe you find opportunities, they don't just knock on your door begging.
I believe bad things happen to 'good people'. But everyone thinks they are a 'good people'.
I believe you can totally change your life with enough planning. But not yourself."

That's all there is.... obviously the start of something I had in my head. It's gone now.  Maybe one day it'll return.

I have so many different scraps of paper with all sorts of little brain notes.... maybe they should be collected and scrap booked? Maybe indeed... maybe one day when I'm studying hard again. ;-)

Clan

It was a Friday, same as today.

It was hot as any good summers evening would be - not like today.

But it's the same day.

24 February.

Etched into my head and my heart for all time.

Two girls, different but the same. Laughing and running. Shrieking and holding hands, running back to where they should have been all night.

Today is our day....diary writing, midnight feasting, Lost Boying, 13 13. In unison.

Today is the day we chose each other. To be the ying to the yang.

Today is the day I have to celebrate alone from now on. With my warm cinzano and lemonade.

Love you love

Reality

And finally they come. The gut wrenching, soul wracking sobs you knew were hovering about. 

Your whole body contorts with the pain, your heart cries and your eyes burn. 

Because it's not seemed real up to now. 

You've been treading mud. 

But now the reality has bit you fast and hard. 

She's not here anymore. You've lost them both. 

L_M

There's so much I want to write, so much in my heart that I want to say. But the words won't come. They are stuck.
I know I'm not pushy. I'm not intrusive. I wish I could phone every day but I don't want to impede on family. It doesn't mean I don't care. Maybe it means I care too much. But she is my second mom. She always has been. And I can't imagine her not being in my life. I've tried my very utmost, what's been in my capacity, to do the best by her, especially in the last 4 years.

She's shown me so much.

How lucky have I been to have all these wonderful women in my life. Each have taught me well.

It's all good

I'm driving a long way away. And back again. I'm so excited. Get to visit a new country, new city, new places with TB. The driving actually doesn't phase me in the slightest. I know my limits... I know I get to the 4 hour mark and I need to stop for stuff (food/drink/others). The bit that has me a bit arggh is the threat of bad weather - how many blankets do you put in the car? How many coats do you take? and also general car stuff. My Angelo is rather much like the man he was named after... solid, foreign, silver and has a temper. BUT Angelo (both) likes a long journey, so I'm sure we'll be a-okay.

I'm in a strange mood. I think it's the lack of sunshine...or maybe other stuff. I'm sure this weekend will fix it all. Trips away always do, they give us clarity and focus for the months ahead.

And I look at my bits and pieces of writing and for the most part, they are just ramblings, words caught up in the moment of where I was. But I know those words, I know the emotion behind them, the feelings, the thoughts I had. I do wish there was some continuity.... less jumble. And I know I should be more disciplined, but actually I live a lot. Rather experience life than write it? I'm not sure that's 100% true, because we're never very sure of the time we have.

Yes, new glasses, new eyes to see things a little bit differently. It's all good.

*And I've realised this is a jumble of words in itself.... starting and stopping every hour is not good for the blog*

visions

I wonder how much clearer I'll see when I get my new glasses.

Will my vision be unclouded?

Will I see everything for what it is? 

Might be a little exciting... but I do believe the blinkers are coming off and my sight is getting better.

Or maybe I don't need glasses to show me where to go.

Feline dislike

When you are tired
Emotional
Angry at yourself
But being positive at the same time
You burn
When the people you love
Have to live
With it
Your Stupidness
You suck.
You need to be there for the ones you love
But instead
You screw up.
And make them feel worse.
You wish you had been rational.
You wish you had been yourself
But you weren't, some idiot took over...who was that?
You like that there's nothing you can't say but only when it's you saying it.
That sleep deprived, job hating idiot should shut up. Where did she come from?
You're sorry.