Monkeys.

TB asked me about The World of Birds. As always when I mention the place, I rant on about the stupid squirrel monkeys. And I know everyone loves them and they're so gosh darn cute etc. 

but they aren't. They're horrible little biting creatures. I've been there twice as an "adult" and every time I've gritted my teeth coming near them. Transformed into a child who got bitten. 

And I know it was my fault, I know my finger stuck into their face, seemed to them like a tasty morsel. However, my petulant attitude comes from the fact that I got zero sympathy from my family. Zilch. No, I got, in the way of my family a telling off and much hysterical giggles. I was hoping my Nana with her clean freak ways (This was a lady who washed her dogs paws after a walk and brushed it's teeth) would think of the germs monkeys have and rush me off for medical attention. I didn't even get a tetanus shot. I still have the scar - mental as well as physical clearly. 

Nope the poor monkey got the attention and extra treats. 

I'm still bitter. 

;-) 

Dreaming kuk

Like when tony soprano has his dreams about Pussy being a traitor, I wonder if in real life, my life, my dreams are doing the same. 

Or maybe it's just my own projection on things? 

If I chose I could be that person. I could read into things and feel like a doos. Be like a doos.  I choose the opposite. 

Old Pines

I've blogged about how music transports me. The song below is no exception (and of course now I'm wondering if I've done this before). This came on my spotify earlier and instantly I was back to another place. I had heard this song before but it was playing as CG and I left Knysna nearly two years ago. After we had spent a week in PE. PE is special to me. Ja, it doesn't have the family, the vibe, the history of Cape Town but it has where I was happy. It has a part of me. My heart? It holds something special. And I was able to share that with CG. Two years ago I said my farewell to Nhandi, I showed CG where I began, my memories. So yes the song below is poignant. It doesn't make me sad. It recalls to my mind, the early morning sun hitting the lagoon, the fresh smell of life starting a new day. starting another road trip. Making fresh memories for my son to take into his life. I don't know, it's a song. But it conjures up good times. 

I am a little emotional today but not in a "hark at the past". I'm a little sad that tomorrow everyone gathers at Liz and I don't. But also I'm a little jealous. I'm not emotionally sad, I'm just remembering why we had to gather in that way. I do miss my Nhandi in a way I never envisaged. I don't think that will diminish. 

I'm rather happy though. And that's why I post this song....to show the happy and share the memory. 

Aaah I'm guessing this blog makes no sense....I blame the phone, when you scroll you can't see what you've typed, so it just becomes a ramble of my brain. The very innards of my head. 

"Old Pine"

Hot sand on toes, cold sand in sleeping bags, 

I've come to know that memories

Were the best things you ever had

The summer shone beat down on bony backs

So far from home where the ocean stood 

Down dust and pine cone tracks

We slept like dogs down by the fire side

Awoke to the fog all around us 

The boom of summer time

[Chorus]

We stood

Steady as the stars in the woods

So happy-hearted

And the warmth rang true inside these bones

As the old pine fell we sang

Just to bless the morning.

Hot sand on toes, cold sand in sleeping bags, 

I've come to know the friends around you

Are all you'll always have

Smoke in my lungs, or the echoed stone 

Careless and young, free as the birds that fly

With weightless souls now.

[Chorus x2]

We stood

Steady as the stars in the woods

So happy-hearted

And the warmth rang true inside these bones

We stood

Steady as the stars in the woods

So happy-hearted

And the warmth rang true inside these bones

As the old pine fell we sang

Just to bless the morning.

We grow, grow, steady as the morning

We grow, grow, older still

We grow, grow, happy as a new dawn

We grow, grow, older still

We grow, grow, steady as the flowers

We grow, grow, older still

We grow, grow, happy as a new dawn

We grow, grow, older still

Feels

Feels like:

Partying all night 

Eyes like sloths

Legs like drunken teenagers 

Head like a zombie 

Reality is just a few hours of sleep. With awful busy dreams which make me feel like I've been awake. 

I don't think I'll be a grumpy puss all day. True to past sleeplessness, I'll probably overcompensate, mainline coffee and be a little manic. 

So sleepy, so tired and I've only been up 40 minutes. 

I'm me and I'm annoying ;-)

I'm reading a book by Nadine Gordimer. It doesn't matter what it's called. It's like all her books, beautifully written, with characters and words that you feel come alive. 

It's not easy reading, it's not meant to be. And I'm sure that they're not for everyone, her books. 

I used to wonder if I liked her work so much because I was a bit pretentious and I thought it was expected of me. 

But I'm years out of school and I still adore her prose.

The book I'm reading now is set in my mom's time, so I can't pretend to understand or take it as fact. But it rings true of the other stories I've heard. Of the things my mom believes in and the things she wanted to do but maybe couldn't as she was scared. I'm supposing here, putting my thoughts onto this image i have of my mom. I do know she did a freedom march or three, so possibly I'm not far off the mark. 

But back to this book I'm reading. I wish I could be a writer with half the talent Nadine Gordimer had. I believe I have the words in me, I just don't think I have the focus to get them out. The knowledge maybe? 

This is my struggle. My attempts are sometimes intense for a while and then half hearted. 

It's frustrating. it's annoying and it's me. 

Happy places

In my element. Sun beating done on my bones, the sound of the sea, waves cooling my toes. Purrfect. These things make my soul sing a happy tune. 

Perceive me wrong.

Perceptions can be misleading. There's so many sayings to that regard. Don't judge a book by its cover et al blah blah 

I'm guilty of it, for shore most are. And obviously it gets me annoyed when people percieve something of me that I don't think is who I am. 

Just because I look a certain way doesn't mean I am the dumb blonde. Just because I smile a lot doesn't mean I never get pissed off. 

Don't judge. 

Today I believe I was belittled. And when I stood my ground, fought the corner, the bully got louder. I didn't. Who won? 

Today I was undermined. Did I throw my toys? Nope, I merely took it higher. I stated the facts wholly and with no emotion. I was the winner. 

I will accept that I might have been in error (note the might), I might have even taken it on board had it been proved i was. What I will never accept is rudeness and being called out in a rude and aggressive manner. THAT is why I took it further. 

I fully believe she thought I was an easy target, a mug if you will. I think that's what bullies go for. She was wrong.