I'm me and I'm annoying ;-)

I'm reading a book by Nadine Gordimer. It doesn't matter what it's called. It's like all her books, beautifully written, with characters and words that you feel come alive. 

It's not easy reading, it's not meant to be. And I'm sure that they're not for everyone, her books. 

I used to wonder if I liked her work so much because I was a bit pretentious and I thought it was expected of me. 

But I'm years out of school and I still adore her prose.

The book I'm reading now is set in my mom's time, so I can't pretend to understand or take it as fact. But it rings true of the other stories I've heard. Of the things my mom believes in and the things she wanted to do but maybe couldn't as she was scared. I'm supposing here, putting my thoughts onto this image i have of my mom. I do know she did a freedom march or three, so possibly I'm not far off the mark. 

But back to this book I'm reading. I wish I could be a writer with half the talent Nadine Gordimer had. I believe I have the words in me, I just don't think I have the focus to get them out. The knowledge maybe? 

This is my struggle. My attempts are sometimes intense for a while and then half hearted. 

It's frustrating. it's annoying and it's me.