To CG

Today you are 16

Legal for some

Things you mustn’t do

Today you are 16

As gorgeous as ever

As funny as people falling over are

As tall as a Neck.

I know you think I’m silly

And sometimes a twit

But always know it comes from

The best part of me

Which is love for you.

Please don’t forget

Your roots, your family,

The people who champion you most.

We might not be the ones who ‘get’ you

But we’ll be the ones who catch you.

(if you ever fall)

Please remain amazing

My Prune, my lamppost

My joy, my funny CeeGee.

Enjoy the year ahead,

So full of new things.

Enjoy making memories

And having adventures.

Laugh until you cry

Cry until you laugh

Love until you burst with joy

Live fabulously.

AJG – 27.02.14

24 Feb.... a day I will always remember and always hold dear. A day I shall remember as being the day of 'freaky' train rides, The Lost Boys, bunking youth, cheese toasties and best friendships. The day of 1313. Nhandi and Ali. And today was no different. I still looked for a message from her and I think I just got one. 

On the 24th Feb, many moons ago, Nhands and I bunked youth and became best friends (after another freaky moment) @ 10.05 pm. Tonight I was sitting in my car, waiting for CG to finish Scouts and it was around 8pm (which is 10pm in South Africa), so I put on my itunes thingie onto the song her and I were singing all those many years ago. And I had a good old weep/giggle to it. And mentally toasted us, while looking up at the stars.

Then I put my music on random shuffle as I was determined not to cry   - even though, at this point, I was sobbing loudly into a tissue (I'm SUCH an attractive creature).

Now I have well over 1000 songs in my iTunes collection so this is why I consider it a sign: The second song that comes on is Guns 'n Roses (ah the irony does NOT escape me at all) and "Don't Cry". And for the first time, I truly listened to the lyrics (see below). Maybe I AM reading too much into it, but actually that's what I need to do at this point.

So now I'm having my lukewarm Cinzano (because that's how we drunk it) and lemonade and toasting a best friendship, I was so very blessed to have. 




Don't Cry

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby

And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

And don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight

Rain Rain go away..

My feet are squelchy. I don’t even think I have leaks in my shoes – I did think I did, but now I think it’s just the constant rain that makes everything feel moist and disgusting. It is like I’m growing a layer of moss on my soles. I just feel damp all the time. *snigger*

And I do realise, that there are other parts of the country, that have it far worse than us in the south east and for that I’m truly grateful. But I’m growing sick of the wet, the wind, the miserable weather we are having. Granted, I prefer it to snow and ice and bad driving and general proper Winter weather, but it’s weary, this rain.

And it’s a little bit depressing. I find myself dreaming of sun drenched beaches, with white sand and crystal waters, where the heat sinks through into your bones. Where you stretch like a cat as the sun warms you up from the inside out. And you can’t stop smiling because you’re warm and happy and did I say warm…..

If I didn’t have to go anywhere, it would be fine. Life would be all about central heating, hot chocolates, coffee, maple syrup, pancakes and bacon. It would be about snuggling in my bed with my bear to keep me warm (yes I have a bear, yes he keeps me warm). It would be all about good food and great company. It would be about laughing because planking tickles, Angels can’t speak English and India appears to be in the deep south.

And as I’m writing this, I think ‘aaaah it’s not so bad as Winter’s go’. I guess I’m just tired of my footwear having a squelch.

Of Woodpeckers

"Thanks to their silent understanding, no desire will remain unfulfilled"

I like animals. They're basic, they're true and they don't muck around. If they like something, they'll go for it. Be that food, another animal or something shiny.

I like wolves, woodpeckers, crabs, bears, fish, elephants, leopards and some others too. After all, I am THE Ali-Cat. ;)

But at the moment, the woodpecker is a favourite. And I'm wishing I could hibernate like a bear or even with a bear... I wonder what that would be like?  I think it would be snuggly. Bears have awesome amounts of fur to keep you warm. Bears look like they could give amazing hugs - well, it's not called a bear hug for nothing. And bears look like they are honest creatures.

Yes, I want to hibernate until the Spring with a Bear.  And then in the Spring, I want to hear the chirp of a woodpecker as it tends to my lawn, I want to lay on a beach with a crab in the Summer. At one with the animals, just like a cat should be.

Hamba kakuhle Madiba.

And so the news breaks. At 8.50pm South African time, our icon, Africa's greatest son, Nelson Mandela died.
It seems surreal. It's like hearing a family member has passed on. The tears are falling onto my cheeks as I think about this man and what he meant to so many, me included.
I don't deny that there was a time, that I questioned the way he fought - as a teenager, confronted with propaganda, you question if violence is the right way. But then I was young, I was white and most definitely privileged in a country, where so many had so little. But in those 23 years since he was released, I have read so much of this man, I have heard him speak and there is no doubt in my mind: that he was a great man. A great man, it can't be said enough.
A man that, had he chosen, could have led our country into untold violence but chose to don a rugby shirt and promote getting along - okay, that's simplistic of me. BUT I have no qualms in saying, that my son would not have seen the country he did in August, had Mr Mandela not chosen his path of reconciliation.

When people ask me where I was when he was released from prison, I can say I was in Cape Town on that day 11 February 1990. However, I had a very different day to the majority of people who congregated in the city centre to hear him speak. But my day, was the mark of realising a little bit about how 'his' people (we all became his people, all shapes and colours but then, then it was different) held him in such regard.

I was allowed to go to the beach for a few hours. I sat there with my friends, but sulking. Sulking not because my hero, my icon was about to be free. But miserable because I knew this would be a great day in the annuls of History and instead of saying I WAS THERE, I would have to say 'I was on the beach'. Petulant as only a 15 year old could be. There was quite a crowd of us white kids on the beach, it wasn't a very popular beach (only accessed by a train line) but even the popular beaches were empty.

And this old black man came onto the beach, stumbling a bit. Homeless clearly. Asking for money for food. One of the guys we were with said 'Hey brother, what you doing here?' (in truth, it was probably the first man of colour we had seen all day) This man was startled, obviously thinking he had stumbled onto some aggro. He was just asking for some cents for food he says. 'No man' my friend said 'you should be in Cape Town, Mandela is being released today'.

I will never forget, even if I am riddled with dementia in years to come, that man's face. How it lit up, how his smile stretched from ear to ear, how his eyes crinkled with happiness and how they sparkled with tears of joy. How he leapt into the air, whooping and crying. All his food worries and homeless worries, dissipated for just a little bit. And then he stopped. He came back to Earth. Was it true? Yes we assured him.  It was clear where he wanted to be, where he NEEDED to be. But he had no money.

We gave him pretty much all the cash we had collectively. Enough for food, train fare and off he trotted. Turning around and thanking us every couple of steps.

Is that the day I became an African? Is that the day Madiba's legacy began? For me, yes it did. I had been waking up to my country for a while before, but that moment in my life, just opened me up to how things SHOULD be. I was never lucky enough to meet Nelson Mandela, but I met a man on a beach, on a day my country started it's Long walk to Freedom.

"There are men and women chosen to bring happiness into the hearts of people - those are the real heroes." Nelson Mandela 
"On my last day I want to know that those who remain behind will say "The man who lies here has done his duty for his country and his people" Nelson Mandela (1999 Qunu)

He said those things above.He was and did those things above.

RIP

Feedback

I wish there was a feedback button for when you delete people off Facebook. And maybe even when you add them. But back to deleting.
You'd get the option button saying 'no feedback required' for those who you added because you thought you knew them but actually you didn't - you just added because they had 78 friends in common with you, therefore you assumed you must know them and your brain had forgotten them. It's easier to add that kind of person that admit old age. There's also that social embarrassment of 'shit, this person remembers me and yet I have no idea who they are'. You made an impact (be it big or small) in their lives and you can't even remember them. That's happened to me in the first days of Facebook. I added a girl, her name was vaguely familiar but I didn't have a clue. She posted stuff on my wall about the great times we had, the parties she enjoyed at my house, how I was so funny (always nice to be told this) ad infinitum, and still I could not place her. 16 years had passed since that kickass party at my house (the one she was raving about), I had also been raging drunk at said party. She had grown up so the picture bared no resemblance to anyone I had known. So, I went to my diaries - I used to write lists of who had attended parties.Found her name, still didn't have a clue. It wasn't until her 10th post about another party where things were broken that I twigged who she was and felt so guilty - I knew her well back in the day.
Anyway, back to deleting people. I want radio buttons when I delete people. Things like:
a) we used to be friends, now looking at your picture makes me sick
b) you bore me with the same posts I've seen forever
c) if I see another picture of an injured child/rhino/piglet/etc I will scream and never stop
d) I don't relish seeing religion on my feed
e) seeing what you're up to makes me sad. Not for you, I want to be happy for you, but I'm sad for me
f) you suck (variant on above)
g) I don't know who you are, why you added me or where I know you from
h) you talk shit and it annoys me
i) your girlfriend pisses the living shit out of me with her 'I wuff you bbe' posts.
j) Your lack of command over the English language makes me want to throw things - at you
k) No feedback required
l) No hard feelings

Hmmm I sound grumpy and people might wonder why I even go onto Facebook if that's my attitude. Well I like Bejeweled Blitz and I like seeing pictures of my friends and family - since the majority of them live so far away. And really, this post is directed or rather, popped into my head because of a few people who tick a few of those radio buttons I want. I normally delete people (or just not add them) without any compunction or guilt but there's a few that I would like to erase from my wall/life but lack the guts to do. Not that I fear I'll hurt them (although there is that), but the no going back once I've done it. It's the letting go I'm finding hard. Okay, it's also the hurting them and in some instance, will they even notice?

To catch fish and other tall tales

To catch a fish, one must be confident in one's ability to catch said fish. If you go into the fishing expedition with less than 100% certainty that you can net/hook/get the food, then you'll never get the fish you've set your eyes on.

And you must make sure that you're wanting to hook the right fish. Don't go for the most brightly coloured one, they fade after a few twinkles of their scales.

Once you are sure about your fish, you'll now have to think about bait. What will hold your fish' interest enough for Fishie to nibble and then bite down hard? Don't lure Fishie in with false bait - Fishie will know, and work out very soon, that the bait on offer is not the one it's going to get. Fish are not as stupid as we would want to believe they are.

I go for the CCC approach. A fish loves a calm fisherman. Hysterics and loud noises will frighten off even the most boldest. A confident fisherman but not bolshy will also impress the fish long enough for it to have another look. And finally the last C - the one you need to work out yourself. It could be a number of things, it's the magic X ingredient that lands you the meal for the dinner table. You'll know it when you're sitting at the water's edge, dipping your toes into the river/ocean/place you do your fishing and wondering if you'll sink or swim. When you're looking at the fish swimming past. It's when you get your Confidence that you can land one.

Then you're ready my little fisherfolk.