a letter

Dear L_M

Tomorrow it's your birthday.
First one that you are not here with us. First one that we'll light a candle in memory, and not for you to blow out.
I miss your wisdom so much. I miss your voice and I miss your laugh. I miss sharing my "signs" with you.
Every time I turned on the radio last Tuesday, there was a song that spoke to me and I was wondering what you and Nhandi were trying to tell me. I like to think that it was just to say you are there. With me. Always. Sharing my life. Telling me to live it.
I've stopped kicking the cupboard door in anger, mostly because one broke and my kitchen needs its doors. Also, because I know you'd tell me off. I know you'd tell me you're free from all pain and while I'd never want you in pain, I selfishly want you with me.

But my time hop app tells me one thing, that you loved me so much. I read your whatsapps and have those messages of love as well. And I feel that love all around me. Thank you. Thank you for your love, your heart, your kindness, your chuckles and your wisdom.

Happy happiest of birthdays. Give Nhandi a smoosh from me.

Your A_D
Xx