Monday 24 October 2016

elephants

So there are elephants in my stomach. Once again, doing a backflip and many cartwheels.
I'm sure there's no real reason to it but when you want something so much, yet are conflicted by it, the elephants come out.

I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone so much this year. I've challenged myself and found myself winning. Makes me a little - no a lot - angry with myself that determination, drive and achieving has hit me a little late. Where was this when I was a teenager? Or maybe it's because I'm not a teenager.... hmmm that age old question of are you doing this because of x or because of y? Or would Y happen only because X did? Maybe I had nothing to be challenged about back then?

Had a few conversations lately about what you would change if you'd live your life over. Now people say, oh I'd have taken school seriously - and other typical answers. But me, no I wouldn't. Mine are more to do with the soul/heart and less of the mind. I'd stay away from certain people. People, who I can now see, had absolutely no input into my future/life. You know, the soul sucking people. The hangers on, the people who have no bearing. I'd instead surround myself with the people who ended up truly mattering. I always come back to that June/July holiday with Nhandi. I still feel the most regret about those two weeks. And I absolutely know, she never saw it like that. But I did.

Back to my comfort zone... I've pushed quite hard this year. It's been such a whirlwind - so busy but so rewarding. I'm hoping that streak of good fortune continues. Maybe karma is coming to roost. Because I've been a good girl.....

2 comments:

Travel sick

 There we go, I forgot what this felt like.  See I don't do holidays - not really. I've done a few but it's not really what I do...