Apologies

I've been accused in the past of holding stuff in and not saying things when I should. Last night I should have heeded that accusation. And I was, I was telling myself the stupidity of how I was feeling - I KNEW I was being unreasonable and an idiot. But instead I opened my mouth and ruined a perfectly fine evening. I did that and I feel awful for it. I won't be able to apologise enough.

At the time I just wanted to be honest and then things could carry on as normal. But wires got crossed and I wasn't very eloquent at getting my point across.

I could blame my womanly hormones being where they are at this time of the month, I could blame the vodka. Truth is, I've been pretty emotional all week, but doing a good job at putting it to one side.

My problem lies here - I'm not one of those girls who freak out, I'm not a jealous person. I know this, I've never been one. And I wasn't last night, but that's what it came across as and that makes me unhappy because I'm not that person.

Have I screwed it all up? God, I hope not. To have 8 months snatched because of one sentence just seems really cruel.

I want a line drawn under it, I want to go back to 24 hours ago. I want coffee and prawns and all things that make me smile and laugh.