CG is leaving school

Sitting at the lap top and I'm having a blub... a bit of an emo moment.

I have just received an email from CG's school, detailing when his last day is and so on and all about exams that are forthcoming. And it hits me, that although he is going to college in September, the 20th May (less than a month away) will be the last day of a school career. And I feel like I've done that journey with him. Yes I have done that journey. It's been a challenging one at times, not down to CG, but due to the bullying, the trying to get to grips with a school system I didn't go through, a one totally different to mine. But that's not why I'm blubbing.

All of a sudden, I'm remembering my little boy in his first school uniform, so proud of himself as a 'big boy', giving me a kiss and waving me off and being just so damn excited. All of 4 years old. I'm remembering him leaving primary school with not even a backward glance, so keen to be on his way to high school. And his first day of high school 5 years ago nearly: Age 11, catching the bus, again a kiss and a wave and excited for his first day. And I suspect that it'll be the same for college, I'll spend the day wondering every minute, if he's okay, if he's eaten his lunch, made friends. He'll be excited.

But that's it, on the 20 May, CG will finish high school.No more school uniform, no more school diary, no more homework clubs etc. Wow, it's been a helluva 12 years. I'm sad but I'm hoping college will be everything for him that school wasn't.

Today I feel like a mom - most days I feel I'm just winging it and closing my eyes and hoping for the best - much like pin the tail on a donkey. But today, I feel like a mother who's realising her baby boy is no longer a boy at all. But a young man on the verge of the next chapter of his life.