It's a bit early

It really is a bit too early to do NYResolutions and stuff. But I'm reflecting over the year I've just had and I think finally, I've cracked how to do the resolution lark. Although, can't recall making any when I was younger.
See, what you do is you think of all the things you want to do and then you just do them. OR you just say yes to every positive experience. You just say F88k it. I wonder if that's a 'coming of age' thing?
It's well documented (by myself) that I don't like confrontation, yet today someone did something that involved me and they included me when I had not said that they could. Instead of bitching behind their back or just seething inside, I said 'NO! I'm not happy about the way you just assumed I would want my name attached to this. I don't'. And while, tomorrow might be a tad uncomfy in the work place. I'm happy for me that I did this. I think it's a step in the right direction.

Now, I don't know what people think of me. I assume some think I'm great and others don't. That's the nature of life, some folk like you and others don't. But, I've always wanted to be liked. I've never understood people who really don't like me, that haven't given me the chance. Weirdly, people who I don't particularly like, I've wanted them to like me as well. However, at this precise moment in time, I'm really not bothered who does and who doesn't. Another coming of age? Maybe it's the whole 'approaching a landmark age'.

I think it stems from the man I've finally untethered from my heart. It probably comes from a Nhandi place too. And it definitely is from going to SA this year. The people I WANT in my life are where I want them to be (bar Nhandi and my mom). I don't mean physically, in my ideal world, we'd all be a helluva lot closer.

I'm so very aware that my aunt is the last one standing on women who have been in my life who I adore and who helped form who I am. So while I'm terrified of losing her - I know that's a long time away and therefore I must get over it. Quite simply. There is no need for me to freak out about this or anything that hasn't yet occured.

Essentially, I have the people in my life who I want to be there. And of course there is room for new people to enter it.

Yes, life is good, but only as long as I make it so. I am the mistress of my own destination. And I plan to enjoy the ride while I get there.