Friendships

Now, I have to confess, I like being a happy and smiley person. I like being the girl who is a cheerful soul. But lets face it, it's unrealistic, everyone has bad days and becomes a bit of a grump. This, my friends, is my whinge and whine and grump blog. It'll probably be one of a very few, because I don't like the world to see a bad mood.  Only the very unlucky (i.e my son) get to see them.
And it's nothing short of sad when you think a friendship has run it's course.
Things about me, I take shit and I take it and then eventually I just don't. But I'd rather just shut up and let the moment pass, than say something in anger and rock the boat. Add a volatile mother when you're growing up, and you kind of learn, it's easier to nod, smile and then do your own thing. If you are a close friend of mine, you'll know this about me. I also am aware I DO have a temper (from that volatile mother) and that's why I'd rather walk, than risk losing a friend, who in the cold light of sanity, you realise you don't want to lose.
There you have it, if you know me, you'll know this blah blah blah.
So then, if I do have a moment, in which I give you my very honest and humble opinion, in a clear and concise way, if I tell you that I'm concerned about your actions and that I don't like them: you must surely know that I've thought about it long and hard, about how to approach the topic and that it is from my heart. That I mean it with the best intentions and no ill.

I did all that this week, I spent a good 24 hours considering my response to a scenario - I wrote a measured, totally unemotional reply raising my concerns. What I got back was just sarcastic and rude, and not really a good reflection of the many years of friendship I thought we had behind us. Bearing in mind, it takes me a while to work myself up into an anger, it's fair to say I'm like a raging bull now. I've had to save my response for a day when I have a clearer head, because if I say what I really feel like saying, I'll be minus a friend, and they are quite hard to come by when you're my age. With all that said, I'm not sure I want to be friends with someone who does not value my input (after asking for it!) and who has changed into someone I'm not sure I want to be around. I'm all for an easy life, with minimal drama, and this is not turning into a friendship that is in any way, shape or form, easy. Just to clarify, all relationships do need work and I'm fully up for that. By easy, I mean as a friendship should be: helping through the seriously crappy times, rejoicing and dancing in the streets for the delirious ones.

What I ask for in a friend is honesty. I want you to be honest with me - because if your friends can't tell you that your behaviour is sucky, or bloody brilliant, that you look like a moose in that red dress, or a million dollars in the black one, who else are you meant to believe?

Aaaaah and now I feel better. Sad, because clearly I wasn't half as valued as I thought I was. Sad, because I abhor rudeness and bad behaviour and I thought I was a better judge than that. But also a little relieved, that I won't have to deal with dramas that aren't really dramas. Looking for attention and drama is best left to the playground. Drama is losing your toe to a lawnmower maybe, not misplacing your lip gloss.

Also, there's really only room for one Drama Queen in a relationship. *where's that sticky out tongue smilie?*