Days of my life

I wanted to document (in my blog) about this pandemic. About how the world is in isolation etc etc. It’s kind of been done to death though. And I’m journaling, which is probably better. It’s not censored. And I can rave and rant about selfish entitled idiots and not wonder about who night read my blog. I’ve also journaled about how I’m feeling, and I’m fairly confident no one needs to read that.
Because today is not a good day for me. Today I am sad.  I cried this morning. And I’ll tell you why. On the radio this morning - no judging but I happen to like the breakfast show - Chris Evans had a guest who was talking about good office chairs. And I cried.
Yup that’s the reason. It’s probably not the deep down, inner workings of me reason, but that’s the topic that caused my eyes to leak. My good office chair is in the office. I am not in the office. I should be working from home, I have everything. Even a chair (not my chair from the office, but a new shiny one from Amazon - it might even be a great chair). But I’ve not been set up yet. I even dressed up for the call (that never came). I put on a really nice flashy and sparkly dress with a peacock headdress (which is not as big as a normal peacock). Yes, I dressed up for a PHONE call. I like to feel pretty sometimes, because recently....I have not felt ANY of the pretty. Today I didn’t dress up and the phone call still didn’t come. Go figure.
I cried because of the chair, sure, but probably also because I talk to people via my kitchen window. I wonder what my brain will look like when we come out of this. Will I have changed and be more sad inside, anxious? I’d prefer that not to be the case.

And this is the thing of Lockdown2020. One day you’re sad, crying over a good office chair and the next day you’re singing with the birds - a true song in your soul.

Tomorrow will be a soul-song day. Because I’m not a fan of the other days. 

things - ramblings

I am resilient. With age, comes so much. The knowledge that everything you experience today will become a memory.

If you are experiencing hurt and confusion - it will pass. You might be changed but you will smile again. 

This will be over in time. We are constantly evolving.

27/03/2020

Reflection

I’m on day 16 of shielding.....I think, it might be day eleventy-hundred.

I have not worn shoes in all that time, but I’ve learnt the cha-cha.
If I remember correctly from India, week 3 was hard. I shall prepare accordingly. Difference being that I’m not currently drinking. The pox has screwed with my drinking gene. A temporary blip, I’m hoping.

A year ago, I was waking up in Pretoria and it’s hard not to reflect on how much I’ve grown in that time. I’m so much calmer and clearer on how I want to live my life.

I had some real questions answered in those four months. Questions that I knew I had to ask, but never thought I’d find the answers to.

But what do you do with that clarity? I thought I had a path, but Covid-19 has put them on the burner for now. Which is fine, it just means I have a bit of time here to perfect them. And that’s always what I’ve been after. Time. And now I have it. So will use it.

A person said to me yesterday (via video call of course), that it was amazing how I’ve come into my own. That I’ve taken my life and shaken and stirred it and grown. It’s nice someone sees that. Because a lot of time I don’t. We don’t, as a whole, give ourselves that credit.

A year ago, I was waking up in Pretoria and didn’t know how much a year would be changing everything in my life.

What a ride.

If I make it through this pandemic, I’ll do more.