elephants

So there are elephants in my stomach. Once again, doing a backflip and many cartwheels.
I'm sure there's no real reason to it but when you want something so much, yet are conflicted by it, the elephants come out.

I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone so much this year. I've challenged myself and found myself winning. Makes me a little - no a lot - angry with myself that determination, drive and achieving has hit me a little late. Where was this when I was a teenager? Or maybe it's because I'm not a teenager.... hmmm that age old question of are you doing this because of x or because of y? Or would Y happen only because X did? Maybe I had nothing to be challenged about back then?

Had a few conversations lately about what you would change if you'd live your life over. Now people say, oh I'd have taken school seriously - and other typical answers. But me, no I wouldn't. Mine are more to do with the soul/heart and less of the mind. I'd stay away from certain people. People, who I can now see, had absolutely no input into my future/life. You know, the soul sucking people. The hangers on, the people who have no bearing. I'd instead surround myself with the people who ended up truly mattering. I always come back to that June/July holiday with Nhandi. I still feel the most regret about those two weeks. And I absolutely know, she never saw it like that. But I did.

Back to my comfort zone... I've pushed quite hard this year. It's been such a whirlwind - so busy but so rewarding. I'm hoping that streak of good fortune continues. Maybe karma is coming to roost. Because I've been a good girl.....

time

It's technology, I'm far too involved with it. I think I'm not, I think 'oh ja, I could survive on a deserted island'. For shore.... as long as there was wifi. And a device. And apps that work. And maybe  my coffee machine. I'd like to think I could do without my curling tongs, and I believe that I could. I did Thailand without them. Oh I took them along for the journey, but they tripped wires, fuses and switches every time I put them on, so I went alá frizz. But the wifi... that would have to come along.

I have been most put out that my blogger app is on the fritz. It crashes, it lets me type two sentences and then poof, it is gone! And I've not always had the app so clearly I can live without it - I mean look at me here, typing away on a desktop. And that's the nutshell with our tech and love for it. The more we get, the more we want it to work and work well, and work fast. When it doesn't, we bemoan the ability to do stuff - but we've done 'stuff' before, and we did it perfectly adequately.

I will try to download my app again, it was easy to use on the go (such as cashino trips which aren't on here now etc) but actually I type better and faster and longer on a keyboard. Again, it's time, time is essentially what we all want more of. So by wanting our apps and stuff to go faster - we think we are gaining a minute here and there.