Monday musings

On the step, my step, again before I drag myself into work. There's that cat squealing like a human. And a bee making honey with my phone. It must be Monday. Where the week begins its torment, and strange things might happen. 

It's been a weekend of muchness. Threw my brother into a pond. Or a lake...j think it's too big to be classed as a pond and too small to be a lake so maybe a Lond or a pake? Anyway, he went into a body of water. I didn't throw him...I gently shook some into the water. I have never done anything like it...none of us had, which made it all sorts of things. But it wasn't serious. And that was good. Because Peter was NEVER serious. Not the Peter I knew. How do I feel? Two years after his death, we have finally laid him to rest. It's no secret that he had his demons, that he struggled with life in his later years and we weren't as close as we had been. 

I feel sad that we can't go back to help him more. I feel bereft that my brother is dead and I feel anger that my dad has lost a child. I feel all these things. But I also feel happy that I have some hysterical memories of him, that I had a big brother who hoisted me up on his shoulders, took the Mickey constantly and wasn't shy about giving me a hug. 

Cheers Pete, for making my wishes come true - age 8...I was sick of being an only child and him and Siàn came to live with us. Thank you for being just what I ordered in what I believed a big brother should be. Rest easy.