Eat your worms

I've been known to say that 'city' living is not for me. That I couldn't bear to live in a great big city. And tonight, it struck me... Hastings is the only town I've actually lived in. I've always lived in cities. Or suburbs of cities...which I suppose in Africa terms is a town? I don't know. What I mean when I say I can't live in cities, is that I would find it hard to not live by the sea...  Because I really like cities - London this week was great, I love the buzz, the fast, the slow, the stuff to do, the places to walk and talk and eat and drink and laugh. I love views from high up and then the ones from the ground.... I love walking for miles, finding cool shops, chilling with TB with a view that goes on and on.... so yes, city living could be for me, but with some water (not the stinky Thames) near by. Brighton would be cool... Cape Town and PE were very similar vibe-wise.

I was walking along the beachfront this evening and it did all the things that I've come to rely on from the body of water. It cleared my head, it calmed me. I breathed in the breeze and I could breathe again. I lifted my face to the sun, hearing the music of the waves and I felt a little bit more 'me'.

It's no secret that I've been out of sorts, grumpy to a degree and just meh for a little bit. I can't shake this cold, I keep getting reactions to mozzie bites and I'm on the verge of tears every five minutes - for no reason. I'm just sad and I couldn't tell you why. I feel overwhelmed and I'm not sure if it's just been a big year, or because I want to do so much yet don't know where to start. I'm not sure if I'm sad because this month is a screw up in money terms and I hate that I have to budget for menial but important things, when actually I want to go shopping for pretty things and pubbing for drinking things while the sun is shining. hashtagbeingangrownupsucksballs  hashtageatworms  There is also that realisation that you're a little pissed off with yourself for being a grump and not terribly organised. 

So I needed the waves, I needed their melody, I needed to hear the crash of sound on pebbles... the ebb, the rush, the sound that sings to me. I walked and I sat and I didn't have to think. No thinking - just being. And it's made me happier, it's made me a little less bleurgh. I still have the arsehole housework/stuff to do but right now, it can go do one....