Wow, does it sting....
It kicks a punch to the belly, it smashes my heart and chews it up. It truly does sometimes feel that all the air is sucked out of me.
It's also the 11th today. Two months after this picture was taken and sent, she died. This is the last picture she sent me. And there it is. In two months she was no longer around. And this year makes two years of that goddamn awful day. Last year, I mourned so badly and hard. And I wanted this year to be a bit more reflective and 'happier' - you know more about the loving and living she did. But today...today I feel I want my soul mate to talk to. Damn that app!! And back to that picture we go ....
I remember this conversation so well. She was going on and on about nothing fitting etc and I was telling her how beautiful that bump made her. She felt crap, and I know I made her smile and laugh for that chat. That on this day two years ago, I had one of the last giggles and chats with my best friend. That she said "oh Ali my nunu" at least five times and that we made each other snort with laughter. Actually, I think this might have been the chat we self analysed our teenage selfs and so on. And came out of it saying to each other "oh yes, of course you're right".
She knew me, she got me and vice versa.
Miss you Noodles.
And you know sometimes I'm not so bad, I always miss Nhandi and I always will. Some days i laugh and others I cry. Some I am angry she's left me and other days I'm angry at everyone else. Today is just a day that catches me on the hop, unawares. But this helps, blog you help me. Because as I write how sore I get, I also remember how lucky we were for having a friendship that was like ours. A lot of people never feel that. And I smile at stuff. And I laugh at memories.
Tears of laughter and sorrow have learnt to mingle well.
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