The things I want to share

I'm happy and yet I feel guilty to be happy. I alternate between being in a super duper good space and then uncontrollable tears because this stuff that's happening in my life right now, the stuff that is making me want to skip joyfully through fields of flowers, this is the first 'big' thing I can't tell my best friend about. I can think that she's showing me signs in the random tunes that are coming on the radio and I can hear her saying 'be happy my noonoo' but I can't physically gush over Skype or text etc with her.

But I am.... in a good place. There's an aspect of my life that I've been so blasé about. There has been a part of me that has lain dormant for a good long while and it is sleeping no longer. And totally by chance - well by my chance anyway. Normally, I shy away from things like this - actually it's fair to say I just wasn't bothered. And now I am. Now I'm grinning and beaming and totally bothered.

Of course, because it's me, there's a little devil sitting right by one of my ears going 'pinch yourself' and 'yeah, you'll screw this up'. But I've flicked that little devil and stuck my tongue out at it. Life is full of 'what will be will be' but also a lot of making the chances you take.

Oooh just had a quick read back. I'm being cryptic aren't I? How amusing when normally I share most of my inner workings. Maybe I'm being cautious for once.... maybe I realise not everyone needs to know everything. Maybe I want to enjoy this without people reading this and filling my head with nonsense.

So here's to the next adventure - it's without Nhandi, but I know she'd approve!