The world

I know diversity in this world is a good thing - after all it's supposedly what makes the world go around. But I do wish all the evil ones would bugger off to the moon or somewhere.

Is there really a place in this world for those who kill and scar innocent children? Is there really a place in this world for genocide? And on a more personal level, is there really a place in this world for people who consider themselves beyond reproach and hide behind their actions? All the while being so horrible to those who need their love the most and their understanding.

We all grieve, mourn, rejoice and celebrate in different ways. Some of us cry quietly (or loudly) when we think no one is watching. Other smile through their tears. And then there are the few that attack everyone and everyone because they believe their emotions, their loss, their feelings are more important that others.

I lost my best friend a month ago. But I don't believe that I have made anyone feel that their loss and their grief is less than mine, or should be less than mine. I have not said to anyone "Actually she was only an acquaintance so my loss is worse". Crumbs, of course I haven't, because everyone is unique and quite frankly death affects us all differently. That doesn't make me better than anyone but it does make me think I'm more understanding than some people. I feel angry that she's gone, so angry at so many things on so many levels. But I will not make this anger public. I certainly believe that Facebook is definitely not the place for anger or pointing fingers. Facebook is a social place - it doesn't need to be a place where you begin war.

I don't feel anyone has the right to tell others how to feel or act. BUT I do believe that good will out. That the truth will surface. My angel told me a lot of things, a lot of things that I shall keep private and between myself and her as she intended.  Because I knew her, and I know what she wanted out of life. And no one will ever be able to take that away from me. No one will ever be say to me that I wasn't her best friend and that I wasn't there for her. And I must confess, I hate that people are saying 'oh I knew this' and 'I knew that' because I read it and think: actually you didn't know her very well at all if you thought that. And the bitch inside of me rears it's little head and remembers what she said about how those people treated her, and I wonder how they can continue to be so two-faced in her name and her memory.

And I hope I'm in a happy place soon where the anger has dissipated to a dull roar. Because last night in a crowded venue, I felt alone and it was not nice. I stood in a large group, my smile masking my quivering mouth, daring not to blink for fear of the tears that were filling my eyes. It's not who she'd want me to be. I do know that. She'd be hugging me and telling me to dance that little bit more.