Letting go

I bought a magazine yesterday...which is strange in itself. I used to be a magazine junkie. Would buy at least 6 a month (thinking one was a weekly and then two others) and then all of a sudden about 18 months ago (might be more), I just didn't.

Until yesterday.

Now normally my magazine ritual is flick through the pages, just look at the pictures, put the thing down, go back to it a few days later to read any articles that have got me interested.

Not the magazine I bought yesterday. I have read it cover to cover pretty much (bar 4 pages I skipped - advert based ones).

One article has struck a chord with me. It was about letting go of people or things that you feel might be holding you back, or in other words, preventing you from living your life the way you should.

I have such an article/person in my possession. I know it's/they are something I should let go. And just when I think I have, it rears it's head and I'm not moving in the direction I should be.

So my New Years resolution comes early this year: I made some for the first time for 2012 and was successful in mostly all of them.

My New Years resolution is to myself, to let it go. To break the ties that bind. To release this object and I believe I will feel sadness and relief and a lightness that I have not felt for many years.

Was this article put in my path for a reason? I think it was.

Come Saturday, I could (no no, I WILL) be starting a new chapter. It'll be hard, of this I have no doubt. But if anything, I'm very stubborn and therefore I know I will do this. So Saturday it is. I shall stand in a queue and send things far away and then I shall walk to my car, with a tear in my eye and say farewell and goodbye and I will not say 'see you later', I will not say 'maybe the time or the day will come'. Because I know now, that it absolutely won't. There is no such thing as epic things finding their way and so on. Life is about making choices and my choices, my wishes aren't the same as others.

But first, before Saturday comes, I will take heed of the article I read and I'll imagine a figure of 8 and I'll separate myself from what I am saying goodbye to and I will wish it well, I shall wish it good health and good luck.

And hopefully when my tear has dried, I will no longer mourn for the 'could have beens' and the 'happily ever afters' that are not coming my way.