Today I saw

Today I saw a sunbeam (rare occurrence in England) peek through a miserable looking cloud and it seemed to wink at me. Is that me projecting my grief, to make me think it's a little sign from my N to tell me to stop my crying? Or is it really a bit of her? I don't know, but it gave me a little comfort to think it was her way of saying "get on with it now Ali". It does help to believe that.

I go through our text chats, our skype chats and the reoccurring thing she kept telling me to do was 'write, make a story, be a book, write woman write'. And if her passing (I still can't say the word that starts with 'd') makes me get off my slightly squidgy arse and write my heart out, weave my words into a story, ply my pen into something others can read, then I will have done her proud. I know that.

And what better story would there be, that starts 24 years ago in a pool bar in Muizenberg, that tells of an epic bond between a bunch of girls, that shows that friendship CAN be built and sustained during teenage years, transcend over adult years and mark who we are? That no matter the time zone, the distance between us, the not living in the same hemisphere, no matter all those things: a bond is made and a bond is unbreakable.

And I think we gain adult friends who are so close to us. I always think of L2 and how lost I would be without her.

I'll be honest and say that although I had a lot of friends who were girls, I only ever had a handful that I was super uber close to. And only ever one or two at a time. And now that I'm of an age, I have L2, she is my coffee break, my confident, my best friend in adult years. An intense amount of pressure for her but after these last 3 weeks, I know without a doubt, she is a rock and I'm in absolute awe of her strength and courage.