Never

I never thought this day would come. I can honestly say never in that sentence. I never thought I'd be my age and sitting on the eve of my best friend's funeral, a million miles from where it will be held. I never thought I'd be at my best friend's funeral, but that's only because I never anticipated it would happen.
And it still doesn't feel real. I don't feel like I'm accepting it. Just as I think maybe I could be - I think no I do not believe I'll never hear her laugh again. Never hear her calling me a noo noo. Never see her smile, have a hug. No, I can't believe it.
What do you mean, Nhandi is no longer here? It just doesn't make any sense. And there you go, just as I think I'm all out of tears, another lot come crashing out of my eyes and down my face.
My fiercest supporter, my strongest critic, the woman who has been in my life for 24 years.
I will never have a friend like her, I have found L2 and MissJ who I know will be in my life forevermore and who I love desperately. L2 is my English Nhandi - without a shadow of a doubt. But Nhandi, Nhandi knew me when I was a spoilt little brat, she knew me from the start of my teenage years and STILL loved me. I've got E and M who know that part of me as well but they've got their own people, their own special friends and while we are close, I'm not 'their person'. I would lay pound to a penny that they love me in the same way and we have a very incredible bond but Nhandi completes that bond and she's not here! It's so hard to explain. But I feel I've lost a piece of who I am. I have lost a little bit of my soul.

I tell you what I am going to do... next August, I'm fetching M and E and I'm squeezing us all into a photo booth.

But for now... now I grieve for the loss of the most stunning woman I have ever known. The girl with the most beautiful smile and heart.

And then, I become the best I can be for her mom and her babies.

My angel, my love, my Noo-Noo, I love you. I wish I had said goodbye.