As a mother....

When you become a mother, everything changes for you. I don't just mean your physical body - although that gets a beating too (hair, teeth, hips etc) but I mean your mental state.
All of a sudden you realise the world is not the great place you want it to be and there are dangers EVERYWHERE! I had a child who had no fear, a toddler who wanted to leap from the highest heights he could reach. I put the fear of falling into him. Although I encouraged the climbing, I got a bit shrieky if he got too high - I'm a firm believer in never climbing 10x your height unaided.
You also achieve the wanting to take the hurt away. Many a time, when CG has been hurling his guts up or so ill with the many germs - I've wished I could take his pain away.
And tonight was another one of those nights.
I had to have the horrible conversation that his great granny is not going to be with us for much longer. In a younger child, it's easier to simplify death I think. He went to his first funeral when he was 7/8 and coped so much better than all us adults. Children adapt to losing someone far easier. Even pets, he has done so well with them getting planted by the lavender at the bottom of the garden. Because he's my son (a boy-child) he has always been more concerned about how I'm feeling. I'll tell you about Fluffy. Fluffy was CG's rabbit, I didn't particularly want a rabbit. He was 5 and a half (CG not Fluffy, I have no idea how old Fluffster was) and in the 72 hours we had the rabbit, he was gold with it. Then the fluff ball died. I was distraught. I covered up the death for 3 days! My dad eventually took CG down to the beach (this was after 3 days of scouring the area for a pure white bunny to no avail) and told him the score. His first words were 'Is Mommy okay?'. His first words to me were "It'll be okay, don't cry. Fluffy can go by the lavender". [The Lavender in my garden is where all the pets are]

But as he is a teenager now, he knows exactly what the score is, and that death all very permanent and sad. And tonight he sobbed. It was horrible and I only wish I could have taken this pain for him. I wish I could have said she'll be okay. But that would have been lying. So he cried, and I got to hold him like I did when he was younger (a taller than me teenager isn't so free with the hugs as he once was) and tell him how hard it was going to be, to cry was more than okay and we also have to be so strong for Grandad.

Tis crap it is...