Home time blues

Sometimes I get this ache in my heart. It's where my family is, where my friends lie, where I want to be. It's the place I was born, the place that watched me grow, the place that remains so beautiful. When people are homesick, they tend to remember the sights, scenes and memories they acquired while being there. I'm that, but I'm also homesick for the place that grows. I devour the news from 'home' - and watch how it's moving and shaking and I wish I was a part of it all.
And I say 'home' but I doubt it is now. So really I'm sick for a place I once was a part of. I wonder if it's because I've never said goodbye properly. It's always been a 'see you soon' when I leave, I always expect to come back.
I know my being and soul would thrive should I be lucky enough to live there. I know that I would maybe still live the life I live here, but it would have so much more personality to it. And my aunt would be there, and I can't begin to put into words how I miss her company. I have family in England, I have my parents. I have people I would miss so much should I leave this island. They say it's a small world and such a global community and I get that, but it's still too big for my liking. To see pictures of your closest friends babies, but not be able to watch them grow in front of you, makes the 'global' community seem like showing a drought stricken area a picture of rain but not letting them hold their hands out to feel it.
And I wonder if the www makes expats long that much more for their 'motherland' - I don't ever recall my dad longing for England the way I yearn for Africa. Or maybe it's Africa, maybe once it's in your blood, it just keeps calling for you. I can remember my dad pining for Southern Africa when in the UK so maybe that theory works.
And maybe I'm just romantising the whole situation. I wanted to come to Europe, I love being so close to London for those times when I want 'big lights, bright city'. Maybe I'd be happy if I just had a beach with sand instead of pebbles. Maybe it's as simple as that. Maybe I want a life I was never meant to live.