4 years

I almost cannot believe it's been 4 years since my nana died.  I say died because we lost her some years before that to the dreaded dementia/altziehmers (can't spell it, don't want to give that horrible disease more of my time by looking up the spelling).
However, I remember her every day as the most amazing woman. She was all that to me. She was a lot of other things to other people, but to me she was exactly what I wanted to grow up to be. She was a beautiful lady, who carried herself with grace. Who would drive for an hour to see me, quite often just to give me a talk on how to act like a lady.
When I was 15, she told my mother that I was making her proud, that I was turning into quite the beautiful young woman. And I do believe she never gave me another lecture again. She did encourage me to not stay stagnant but to use my wings and youth and fly, to see what the world could offer me. She also made a brilliant chocolate cake. There was nothing she did not do for me. That's not what I miss though. I miss the conversations we would have, how even though I was only a teen, she valued my input and opinion. She never treated me like a child. She introduced me to the theatre and made me love it. She did horlicks and taystee wheat and sat with me (even at age 19) in bed reading Alice's Adventures through the Looking glass.
She taught me that a woman does not need a man to make her complete - that you can be as independant as you like.
I miss her so much. I would love one more week with her, I wish I had known her at the age I am now. No, she wasn't cuddly like most Nana's are. But I had my granny for that.
Nana, I hope I still make you proud and I hope I'm an ounce of the lady you were.

Cave-men

I think men like needy women. Just putting the statement out there. I think on the whole, men SAY that they like an independant gal, in fact they are drawn to the woman who looks like she can do it all, fend for herself, needs minimal attention. But I think once they've got these women, they realise they are wanted not needed - big difference - and they run away to find a woman who can't change a lightbulb/tyre/mind. I think if men were to look at themselves they'd admit they enjoy the drama of a high maintenance chick. They like to moan when she calls because 'Oh dear, my nail broke and I NEED you to change the water in the dog's bowl' or some such similar scenario (I'm loving my illiteration tonight). They can then bitch away that she can't do a thing, but they love that they have to break from whatever they were doing to sort out the damsel in distress. And that's it in a nutshell. And I dislike those women.... those women that give the rest of us a seriously bad name. I'll admit I can't change a tyre very well, but I'll give it at least 3 hours before I give in and call someone. I'll confess to not liking it when I have to mow the lawn but I'll not pretend to know how to switch it on.
Maybe this comes from a bitter place within me. But I've worked damn hard to know how to do things on my own. I've not had the luxury of a knight in shining armour. I've had to fit my own toilet suite (however the seat goes down automatically now so suits me), I've had to unblock a sink. So damned if I'm going to let some man come in and do it all for me now when I know I'm capable. Of course if someone offers, I'll quite gladly share the job. And since I really don't like mowing the lawn, I'll let ANYONE do it in return for a cup of tea and a sandwich. ;o)
I don't mind being the person everyone thinks is a bit of a blonde, I do mind coming across as needy so I won't and if that means I lose a man to a woman pretending to have the vapours over a clogged drain or shopping that's too heavy, then so be it.

Just starting

Just a little quick one to see how it all looks and feels and stuff like that! I have words in my head that want to be out there somewhere. I don't expect this blog to be political or conscientious. I expect it to be all about me me me, but I might surprise.