Letting it all fly

I've had about 3 - maybe 4 - blogs floating around my head for about the past week. Now generally, they pop in AS I'm falling asleep or when I'm driving. Basically, when I'm nowhere near a writing implement. And then by the time I am, the idea has flown onto another space in my brain. Makes me think that I'm so busy in my head the rest of the time, that my creativity is having to fight for it's voice. i.e only comes through when I'm relaxed. I've started doing the Mindfulness course, so am trying my best to relax my brain, get my meditation on! And I am convinced that once I start using it completely, my creativity will find that it's voice is louder and breaking through more.

I have so much 'stuff' just circling in myself at the moment, things popping in and out constantly. I need quiet, but it's hard to come by. I need to know CG is going to be okay with his future. It's a shit to not being able to plan this for him. It's his path now. I've done my guiding. It's hard to not take over. It's hard to not know what my role is now. I know he'll always be my 'baby', my son, my child and I'll always be a mother. BUT... it's now about letting him fly, when all I want to do is hold him close. And I question how I've brought him up... no I don't. Not the teaching him manners blah blah blah, yeah I did a great job there. I mean the 'could I have done more?'. Could I have pushed him a bit more there, did a bit more overtime to take him there. The crux is though, can I say he has always known love from me? Yes I can. Did I teach him right from wrong? Yes I did. Did I give him all I could? Yes I did.

So, I need to stop this. I have done well. I will continue to do well. He will be fine, no matter what. Because while I'm letting him fly, I'll always be on the ground for him.