Why am I such an elephant? And I don’t mean in the size sense, I’m purely about the memory here. Nhandi got married on this day. No arsehole remembers. By arsehole, it’s clear who I mean. And why should any arsehole remember? When he’s gone and got himself a new wife.
And she was beauty personified on that day. All pink and gold and glittery.....to quote a lyric. There’s a picture of her and Lani dancing on that day.
If only we COULD see the future. If only, if only, if only.
People say you shouldn’t tinge the past with regret. But I cannot help but feel regret the things I never said to my girl. Or the things I did say, but didn’t push her on.
So she got married on Halloween. No treat.
Tuesday 31 October 2017
Thursday 26 October 2017
Harking to the past for the future....
6 years ago I believe I found myself. Not in an Eat, Pray, Love kind of way. More like a East, Beast, Feast kind of way. I had found a song that resonated with me in the months prior. Something about the lyrics, the tune, the artist singing all just went bam! boom! whallop! into my head/heart.
And then I was given an opportunity to go to Thailand. Not a place that I'd ever thought of going to. I flew alone, I travelled alone, halfway across the world. I did that. I arrived alone. Not lonely, you understand but in my own company. When I got there, I was stunned into silence - not something that happens all that often. I was in awe of the heat, the vibrancy, the scenery, the cow-sized ceramic chickens, the everything. But it also felt comfortable, like it was familiar.
On my second morning there, that song from months ago, was playing in the breakfast floating island thing. And again with the bam! boom! whallop! and I realised this was me, this is who I am. I'm happy in my skin. Ah well yes, the skin may change - or rather the volume of it - in fact this is direct correlation with me finally managing to put on weight. Gone was the nervous energy, gone was the constant on the move. I calmed down. And that was a good thing.
Maybe Thailand wasn't the cause, maybe it was the end result. Whatever it was, it helped.
Weird, I always think that I enjoyed Thailand on my own. I guess I did.
As to the future, well sometimes I need to remind myself, that I know what I want and I'm happy enough getting it. And that my road is a different path to travel than others. That I'm not content to stay here, behind this desk. But also that I'm gentle, I'm soft and kind hearted and to remember not to lose that trait, for it is a good one.
And then I was given an opportunity to go to Thailand. Not a place that I'd ever thought of going to. I flew alone, I travelled alone, halfway across the world. I did that. I arrived alone. Not lonely, you understand but in my own company. When I got there, I was stunned into silence - not something that happens all that often. I was in awe of the heat, the vibrancy, the scenery, the cow-sized ceramic chickens, the everything. But it also felt comfortable, like it was familiar.
On my second morning there, that song from months ago, was playing in the breakfast floating island thing. And again with the bam! boom! whallop! and I realised this was me, this is who I am. I'm happy in my skin. Ah well yes, the skin may change - or rather the volume of it - in fact this is direct correlation with me finally managing to put on weight. Gone was the nervous energy, gone was the constant on the move. I calmed down. And that was a good thing.
Maybe Thailand wasn't the cause, maybe it was the end result. Whatever it was, it helped.
Weird, I always think that I enjoyed Thailand on my own. I guess I did.
.....Landslide
As to the future, well sometimes I need to remind myself, that I know what I want and I'm happy enough getting it. And that my road is a different path to travel than others. That I'm not content to stay here, behind this desk. But also that I'm gentle, I'm soft and kind hearted and to remember not to lose that trait, for it is a good one.
"For although I cannot fly, I am not content to crawl" - 9 days
Friday 13 October 2017
Lets have a word - open letter
Now c'mon Bread... how can you do this to me?
I love you. I truly loved you.
I love all the different types you can be.
I love your softness, your soft bits, your warm and delightful bits.
I love the way you go with everything. Soup, eggs, bacon, all my favourite eating things.
I love the way you can be so many different types. You're the global staple. Without you, there would be starvation and famine and world wars (for'sure)
And yet you turn on me like this... like a horrible thing.
I hurt Bread, I hurt so deep inside my head. If I had known that my love for you is so unrequited, I would have taken my pennies to the gluten-free aisle.
Your chemicals run deep. My brain constricts like a snake with a juicy pig.
Bread, it's over. Be gone from my lips, my belly, my life.
I love you. I truly loved you.
I love all the different types you can be.
I love your softness, your soft bits, your warm and delightful bits.
I love the way you go with everything. Soup, eggs, bacon, all my favourite eating things.
I love the way you can be so many different types. You're the global staple. Without you, there would be starvation and famine and world wars (for'sure)
And yet you turn on me like this... like a horrible thing.
I hurt Bread, I hurt so deep inside my head. If I had known that my love for you is so unrequited, I would have taken my pennies to the gluten-free aisle.
Your chemicals run deep. My brain constricts like a snake with a juicy pig.
Bread, it's over. Be gone from my lips, my belly, my life.
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