Be Present in your life

I’m sitting outside/opposite a building that is older than the country I was born in. I’m in awe, I’m humbled by the history, my head will explode if I think of the decades, events that this building has been witness to.

I’ve walked streets trying to find somewhere to park my feet, my mind and satisfy my hunger (on all fronts). And I’ve ended up here. I thought I would. It was probably never in doubt. I spotted it yesterday when we arrived and it looked so inviting. The vibe is spot on. The guy and his guitar, and various people who I can only describe as ‘luvvie’ types. All loud voices and hand gestures. The owner is friendly, welcoming one and all to his establishment. Full of charm. I say to him ‘Your aubergine parmigano is beautiful. Thank you’. He says back to me ‘For a beautiful lady’. I grin, because everyone likes a compliment. But also because it wasn’t said to be smarmy or to gain anything, it was said to be friendly. *and I think this is a blog for later days but one of the areas where men and woman differ, or the reason why I differ to people*

I’m happy here. Don’t get me wrong, I like being home. But I love being away. Everything just works better when I’m away. Everything seems easier. I don’t have to be anything, other than me. I don’t have to think.

The guitar guy is gone, a cd replaces him. This is divine, it’s like the songs were chosen for me right now. Nina Simone, my soundtrack “It’s a new day, it’s a new dawn, and I’m feeling good”.

And it compounds how I’m feeling about this whole year and how it’s ending. Yes, I’m reflective. More than ever. Is it a good thing? Yes, I believe it is. I cannot change the past, nor do I want to. The past makes us work on our future. To ensure we don’t repeat what we didn’t like. To build on what I do like, what and who I love.  The present is for living now. Enjoying the good, making sure you’re doing the best to get the best, to continue to get the good. Eradicating all that is not good for you (Bread – I’m talking to you!).

 

I guess it’s the humdrum of the normal ‘this is adulthood’ that grates on my bones. The endless cycle of mundane shit. Washing, cooking, cleaning. No one ever sold growing up as this. But it’s the acceptance of this, that will set me free. The acceptance that life cannot be full of excitement, and thrill every second of the day. That when we are restless, if everything overwhelms…. Then be honest.