Mindful

What I find interesting about the whole concept of Mindfulness, is that the people who would most benefit from it - are the ones that are so opposed to it.

I love it, I guess I belong to the 'smug' club. But I find it DOES help me in ways I didn't think I needed help. And that might be the most beautiful thing about it.

I think of myself as pretty chill - I get passionate about certain things sure, but on the most, things roll over me. Then I started Mindfulness, and realised I was carrying SO much around with me. So many things circling my brain - issues that weren't mine, issues that were but didn't need my time. It was just frantic in there - and I didn't realise until I slowed down a bit. Until I used the meditation.

And now, now my head is cleaner, it's calmer, it's not aching as much. Oh, I have a way to go. A long long way to go. However, it's about recognising when I'm having a freak out, when I need to 'be mindful', when I need to breathe.

This week was about befriending yourself. Fair enough, I thought, I'm pretty kind to others. In reality, I could actually be a lot more tolerant. I have patches of it all, I'm sure everyone does. But I am kind, I am empathic - when it suits me. I can also be scathing, with a sharp tongue (mostly in my head). I'm not being too hard on me, but I am acknowledging my faults and how to correct them. Tolerance and more thereof!

Today is a day I could beat myself up .... today is a year we lost Lani. I could be hard on myself for not being there physically for her... but actually living in another hemisphere is not really something anyone can put blame to. I can't say I wasn't there for her, because I was. I could say that if she wasn't being treated so abysmally, we might have realised she was ill - not just having a breakdown. But it is past now, I have to stop freaking out, I have to stop feeling so utterly bereft. In short, I have to limit my howling at the moon.

To be Mindful