My insides are beautiful - fact

I quite often have this. The urge to write - the need to put words somewhere but not a clue where to start. It's like a yearning for ice cream but not the flavour you want. So you stand in front of the freezer at the supermarket and see all the choices and you end up walking away. Strawberry, Chocolate, Neapolitan (such a favourite), Coffee, sorbet, frozen yoghurt. All so yummy.

That's it, I want to write, I don't know what to write.

If this was my diary (where are you diary? I've lost you for months), I could start with my thoughts and my head but it's not.
If I was feeling all emo - I could whinge a bit about how I'm getting sad about the 2 years passing of Nhandi (but also the whooohooo little A is nearly two). But I don't want to do that. I really really want to stop being sad about her. But I wish she were here today.

If I wanted to share, I could say I had a procedure done today and while I'm teary and a little bit in agony, I was super excited to see my insides. I love that we have the tech to be able to stick a tiny camera and look around our bodies. I guess it's the closest I'll get to Osmosis Jones (google it...was a fab kids programme/movie). And also very impressed that apparently my insides are super youthful - but I guess that's not really the thing you put on your c.v or tell the world. "Hello I'm Ali and my insides are BEAUTIFUL - reference: my doctor - she actually said that." It could get awkward. However, when people go on and on and on (and they do - on Facebook - a lot (it's painful)) about how the most beautiful people are *yawn* are the ones that are pretty on the inside - I can say, most truthfully, that yes, yes I am! HA! That'll stop those inspirational idiot posters in their tracks.

*maybe the painkilling drugs do work*