A year ago

A year ago, my best friend was fighting for her life and in 8 and a half hours, she would lose the battle. 

A year ago, my best friend was alive and I thought that come August we'd be swilling tequila, and laughing so much.  That didn't happen. 

A year ago, I had a best friend that would answer when we spoke. Now it's just me doing the talking. 

A year ago, I knew there was someone out there who knew me as well as I knew myself. Who was the person that loved me for every little thing I had done. Who was honest with me. Who had known me forever and yet still never lost any love for me. 

And in the 365 days since we lost our beautiful girl, our shining sparkly angel, the hurt has not magically disappeared. The tears have not been dried from our cheeks and the hole she has left in our hearts has not been filled. We can dream that she's still with us, but when we wake, the nightmare returns. 

I miss Nhandi so much. I miss her knowing my every mood. And how by what I said, she knew what I meant. 

We were the sisters we chose for ourselves. We were closer than people liked. And although a whole hemisphere separated us, we retained that closeness. 

I thought we had all the time in the world, I thought we'd be old together. 

I miss you. A year passed, but the pain remains. My darling Noodle, my 1313, my angel, you are missed and loved.