Stuff and nonsense

I wrote half a great blog and then the app crashed. No one will ever get to read it now.

I've had some time away and it's just reaffirmed everything I thought I was right about. It's not the place for me. Bizarre how the brain works, how you can be excited over something you know nothing about. Or maybe, the excitement IS that you nothing about it. A year ago, I was giddy with the thought of travelling to another place, a new adventure. Today, I am filled with dread over travelling to that new place tomorrow. It's not that it's hard work and maybe that's the issue....my level of complete boredom.

It's also that the next 18 months, rests in their hands. Oh I have choices either way. But I dislike not being in control of my future. Ah contrarè, I hear you cry, you flit like a small butterfly and can't make a choice over what to eat. And yes you could be right. But when I want something bad....then I fight. I did a year ago.

Either way.... being sad over tomorrow is not the life goal I have for myself. It might take longer, but either way....it's going to change.

Musicality

I read a meme about why we mourn when musical stars die. I can't remember how it went, but here is my take on it.

Essentially, they are there at the big moments of your life. Their lyrics speak to you in pivotal moments that you have growing up and beyond (when you think you are an adult).

First love? There's a song/band for that. First heartbreak? Again you can pin a song to it. Epic parties...again there's music.

I can't speak for all, but there's s definite soundtrack to my life. Songs that can bring a memory, a smell and even my clothes to mind.

Iko Iko - singing with Nhandi. Loudly and badly. Laughing at the playback of the recording so hard that we nearly puked.

Our House by Madness - my dad, mom and I doing the Cameron Drift tour.

Brother by Matt Corby - driving and crying when Peter passed away.

Counting Crows - Omaha for TB. Mr Jones for loud road trips with CG.

Tropical London - my ability to get lyrics so wrong and the road to Southend.

Down with the sickness - download festival 2016.

And that's just a small sample.

I used to fall asleep to a favourite mixed 'tape'.

I've always had music so it's no surprise I get sad when a musician is no longer. They've been part of the history of me.

Adapting

Growing up in SA, so many years ago, we didn't get to see international bands all that much. Won tickets to modern talking at age 13. 😉 Saw a few others in my teens.

So I have taken and made sure my son has had the chance to go to many gigs/shows/arenas. His first arena was 30 seconds to mars at age 11.

I've encouraged him to see as much live music as possible. We've done festivals etc etc. He goes off on his own now and my greatest fear is that he breaks a bone in a mosh pit (or misses his train home). You don't send your kids off to a gig and worry some ass is going to try and blow your babies up. You just don't. We shouldn't have to.

And I know people say, 'oh this is the world we live in now'. And I have no response to that, other than to ask what can we do to change that.

And I'm not saying I'll stop him from going or not go myself. That's not the way we live.

 I guess we educate ourselves and those around us more. Since the Eagles of Dearh Metal attack, I've gone to gigs and worked out escape routes. I go on public transport and I work out escape routes. Adapting to the threat of a terrorist attack being always a threat.

I suppose that might be the answer. You don't just roll over and say that's how life is now and therefore I'm never going to go out to a public event. You adapt to the threats around you and like a giraffe at a watering hole, you keep an eye out for the lions. But you still enjoy your water.

Hello Grit

So we are in a period of change. Now it's easy to get overwhelmed and bogged down in the minutiae of it all. But we make plans and we know the potential pitfalls, the possible perks and for the most part, we soar with all of it.

And this is it, we have such a great chance here to live. Just need to get into the routine of new living. It's easy to say "oh once x, y and z are done....then I'll do a, b and c". But it works better when you don't make hurdles where there are none. Let's do it all now.

And we are. Patient and skilled. We have grit. We have stuff and skips.

I do have a plan....it's to get out of the lives of small minded people. As simple as that. And there are things in place to get there.

I have goals for 2017. Eat Brazilian. Not a coy reference or innuendo. I mean it in a literal sense. I want to go to the Brazilian restaurant. I have other goals....but they are for walks and mind. Not public blogs.

Change your reality

Well, I've changed the theme to this blog... I'm not actually sure why I do this. Because I don't ever see the theme myself (only when I'm changing it) and I don't really get anyone telling me it's a crap/great looking page.

But I think it may stem from the part of me that dislikes things staying the same. However, while taking a super epic grand walk this weekend, I have acknowledged that actually in order to succeed, you need a little routine, you need a plan to adhere to. And actually, flitting about from one thing to another, like a pretty little butterfly - well you might look all sparkly and glittery (as butterflies do) but what are you achieving? Precisely zero. Because you aren't settling in one place, doing one thing for long enough to see any kind of result.
I say that I acknowledged this this weekend, but I think my last couple of blogs about my writing have hinted at this very thing. I was only ready to address it now. Instead of rambling, go do.

If you look at most things, we can admit to ourselves and others about how things/events should occur. We can take advice and agree until the cows roost in their roosty places. But it is only when we acknowledge it ourselves, that we commit to making it reality for ourselves.

Perception is reality. And I'm acknowledging my perception is changing my reality. And my reality will change my perception.

Although procrastination is still my main order of the day - case in point, I booted up the laptop in order to do some work (like real actual forward thinking work). Instead, I have emailed LBW with a picture that popped up (and that's freaky enough to warrant another blog), changed my email password, cleaned up the email folders, updated my virus protection and changed the theme to this blog. All very noble and things that should be done I imagine. But the real work... yet to start that.

Notes I find

So while doing my studying... I came across my notes. Now I know I'm a doodler - when I'm in a classroom environment, I write notes, but I draw as well and write things that are in my head.... normally a haiku or two. This one I don't recall writing.

It says 19.01.16 but since I didn't have this notebook then, I'm going to say it's 19.01.17...

"I believe in things working out how they should
I believe hard work helps that along.
I believe you find opportunities, they don't just knock on your door begging.
I believe bad things happen to 'good people'. But everyone thinks they are a 'good people'.
I believe you can totally change your life with enough planning. But not yourself."

That's all there is.... obviously the start of something I had in my head. It's gone now.  Maybe one day it'll return.

I have so many different scraps of paper with all sorts of little brain notes.... maybe they should be collected and scrap booked? Maybe indeed... maybe one day when I'm studying hard again. ;-)

Clan

It was a Friday, same as today.

It was hot as any good summers evening would be - not like today.

But it's the same day.

24 February.

Etched into my head and my heart for all time.

Two girls, different but the same. Laughing and running. Shrieking and holding hands, running back to where they should have been all night.

Today is our day....diary writing, midnight feasting, Lost Boying, 13 13. In unison.

Today is the day we chose each other. To be the ying to the yang.

Today is the day I have to celebrate alone from now on. With my warm cinzano and lemonade.

Love you love